After Baltor, a winx club fanfiction Rating Options

[bloomskylove]

[font="Century Gothic"][/font][size="2"][/size][color="#00FFFF"][/color] i will start soon. i will warn you now the chapters start out small but grow. OK?

[BloomKianna]

I'll fix your text:

i will start soon. i will warn you now the chapters start out small but grow. OK?
So when are you starting?

This post has been edited by BloomKianna: Feb 23 2008, 9:20 PM

[MorriganAensland]

Uh... I don't meant to sound critical, but what is the point of this? It's easy enough to say "Yeah, I'm going to make a fanfic." If you're going to make a topic about it, you should probably have the first chapter already written up.

And second of all, who gave this a five-star rating when the plot is probably not even thought up yet?

[musaenchantixthe...]

i was also wondering that too. who rated if it didn't started. and don't do it in blue when you write the story. it would hurt the eyes

[BloomKianna]

Sorry but I don't seem to like it
I think it's bloomskylove whot rated it 5 stars, I rated it 1 star because...because.

[sapphire]

its almost like... bloomskylove didnt even type her fanfic and we are all already criticsing (sorry wrong spelling) her.
ya, i agree with what morriganaensland. bloomskylove, maybe you should have posted a chapter first. i mean, the title is okay... but without a chapter... than there really isnt much to read about...

[Princess Rissa]

ummmmmmmmmmmmmm so when is BloomSkyLove Doin her Fanfic????????????????????????????????

[stellafan]

COME ON WRITE IT !!!!!!!!!!!

[WinxFairyAlianne]

I want to read it! I like reading lol!

[Abdu 6b]

This turned out bogos!

This post has been edited by Abdu 6b: May 22 2008, 1:40 AM

[bloomskylove]

[[/font][/size][/color]srry please forgive me! just got my computer fixed!!!


CH1
it started ou after they defeated baltor. the winx and their bf's were planning a trip to find bloom's birthparents. but they decided to not waste thier summer. bloom took sky up on his offer to go to his lakehouse with him. when they got there they decided to go snorkleling. shy got lady to go too. he put a box in a water proof seal and hooked it to lady's coller. then he told lady to swim up to bloom. bloom got up to the surface after getting the box from lady. she op[ened it and inside was a ...




[font="Impact"][size="2"][color="#00FFFF"]


CH2
inside was a ring!! it looked like stella's but had her family crest on it! was this the ancient ring of sparks? she asked herself while sky walked up to her.
sky: what do u say? :
bloom:of course!!! i luv u sky!
sky: do u see what is on it while putting it on her finger
bloom: my family crest but is this? :
sky nodded
bloom: how? where was it?
sky: when we rescued u on sparks i found it. we have to go meet my parents for dinner, lets go. while grabbing her hand to hold it
bloom: do u want to tell the others?
sky: first lets tell our parents
bloom: ok can we hold off the wedding though until my parents are found?
sky: sure

This post has been edited by bloomskylove: Aug 5 2008, 5:22 PM

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[MorriganAensland]

Oh... my... GOD.

This is horrendous... you shirk away from this story for months on end... and you give us only THIS?!? First of all, if you're writing, WRITE IN ACTUAL SENTENCES WITH CORRECT GRAMMAR! If you're going to put the effort into making a story, don't shorthand at all, unless using contractions. And even then, remember how to do them correctly.

Second of all, DID YOU IGNORE WHAT MUSA WROTE HERE? Do not write in light blue, it's hard on the eyes.

Third, why jump formats for narratives? First of all, script-format is considered one of the lowest and childish ways to tell a story, one which you can't even do properly. If someone is doing something in script format, rather than saying it, THEN PUT IT BETWEEN *ASTERISKS!!!*

This is like... in DIRE need of a complete overhaul! And I need to purge it from my memory! Shin Getter Robo, please put me out of my mercy!

Hello, you either have JavaScript turned off or an old version of Macromedia's Flash Player. Get the latest Flash player.

Thank you... Getter Robo.

[bloomskylove]

Oh... my... GOD.

This is horrendous... you shirk away from this story for months on end... and you give us only THIS?!? First of all, if you're writing, WRITE IN ACTUAL SENTENCES WITH CORRECT GRAMMAR! If you're going to put the effort into making a story, don't shorthand at all, unless using contractions. And even then, remember how to do them correctly.

Second of all, DID YOU IGNORE WHAT MUSA WROTE HERE? Do not write in light blue, it's hard on the eyes.

Third, why jump formats for narratives? First of all, script-format is considered one of the lowest and childish ways to tell a story, one which you can't even do properly. If someone is doing something in script format, rather than saying it, THEN PUT IT BETWEEN *ASTERISKS!!!*

This is like... in DIRE need of a complete overhaul! And I need to purge it from my memory! Shin Getter Robo, please put me out of my mercy!

Hello, you either have JavaScript turned off or an old version of Macromedia's Flash Player. Get the latest Flash player.

Thank you... Getter Robo.

for ur info didn't get to read musa's note srry
2nd this is my story i can write it any way i want to
i will try to get better i will email u my suggestion

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[P-girl]

I'm sorry if it sounds blunt, but the first thing what I taught when I read your reply to Morrigan's comments was: Oh, that's mature.

And it may be your story, but trust me, if you want people to enjoy it: make it longer and use grammar. Most people write stories because they want to, and to eventually grow and get better as a writer, so you might as well use the advice she gives you: use grammar, proper punctuation, proper formatting and make it longer. Trust me, you'll get more positive feedback when you do.

[MorriganAensland]

Well, I'd advise in the future you take EVERYONE's comments into account.

And you're absolutely right; this is your story. My qualm is not with the actual plot; because we haven't gotten to any of it yet. My problems are with you execution of said plot, something I am perfectly entitled to voice my concerns about. Huge difference.

[bloomskylove]

I told you it would be short to start out!

CH3
sky: Bloom! My parents are all about promptness!
bloom: I'm ready! I'm ready!How do i look?
sky:Beautiful! Do you just want to transport us there with your ring?
bloom: OK! TRANSPORTUS!!!!!!!!!!
sky: Sorry we're late mom,dad. We have something to tell you.
bloom: We are engaged!
Bloom and Emma just started hugging while tom got up to shake bloom and sky's hands.
Emma: Congragulations!!
Tom: we are so happy for both of you!
sky: Thanks mom! THanks dad!
bloom: We have something else to tell you.
sky: We are going to postpone the wedding until we find bloom's parents
Emma and Tom were trying to hide something by smiling. bloom and sky fell for it.
Emma: We will through you an engagment ball in two days time.
sky: OK. Thanks mom. Can we go out for breakfast tomorrow and skip tonight?
Tom: Why?
bloom: So we can tell my parents on earth.
Tom was about to say no but Emma broke in
Emma: Yes, go on. You have our blessing!






how did you like it? don't hold anything back!!!!

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[P-girl]

What's with the smiley and the sudden colour change? It's annoying, to be frank. Please, don't use it, it makes it look tacky and unproffesional. And you might stop using script format.

[bloomskylove]

CH4
"Bloom!!! Are you ready to go?" asked sky. It was almost dark and he wanted to get there before it was.
"I'll be right there!!! We can't stay though right?" she asked.
"Right, now lets go before it gets dark."
"TRANSPORTUS!!!
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Mike and Vanessa were enjoying a quiet night home when a knock on the front door inturrepted it. "Bloom! How are you honey?"the couple asked.
"Fine. Can we go out for some ice cream we want to tell you something," answered Bloom.
"Let me get our coats."
"How does the creamery sound?" Sky suggested. They all nodded and left not knowing that someone was watching Bloom.
"I will have you back bloom!" they wispered from the shadows.
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"Mom, dad we want to tell you that we are engaged!"bloom said slowly.
"Weare so happy for you honey!!!!" said Vanessa while giving both of them a hug.
"We don't mean to rush but we have to get back before eleven. Oh, one more thing. We are going to hold off on the wedding until we rescue my birthparents. Is that ok?" bloom wanted to know.
"Of course come see me tomorrow around eleven. I want to talk to you about something ok bloom? We will have an early lunch," said Mike.
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"Stella will kill me if she doesn't find out soon," said bloom.
"THen why dont we get everyone down here for a midnight swim so that we can tell them all?" suggested Sky.
"Great idea! You call the boys and i'll call the girls."
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"OK we have an anouncment. Sky and i are engaged!!!!!

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[P-girl]

You've improved, I can say that. And it's good to see you followed up our advice. (I've seen enough examples of fanfic authors throwing hissy-fits when you give them the smallest bit of constructive critisism/advice), so that's a good point.

However, it's still a bit short and to jumpy. Take your time, draw things out, let things 'work' on people. Things don't go wham-bam-done in the real world either.

[Music123]

I agree with P-girl chapter 2 definately improved. You have to slow things down a little bit and it will be perfect I like it so far