This is going to sound truly pathetic, but I've been dealing with some issues lately... They're pretty petty, but they're bothering me to the point where I feel like I'm going to burst open.
And so, instead of keeping it all within me like a ticking bomb, I've decided to seek help from an un-biased point of view: and where better to turn than my Magix Club family? All those who are caring and kind and act more like friends then a few of my "face-to-face" friends do.
Here's the issue:
Every year, we have this huge dance at my school towards the end of the year. Lots of money is poured into this event, and for most, it is all
about having a date.
Well, that wasn't the case for me, until now.
I planned, yes, planned, on going alone, and I was perfectly alright with that. In fact, I thought it would make a statement. I planned on getting a big group to go together (as friends), so even those without a date can have some company (for I'm not the only one.)
Some info on one of my "friends": she always seems to compete with me: grades, artistic ability... she tries to outdo me at everything and I swear she loves to see me fail. But, at the same time, she gives the impression of being my best friend.
She has never done anything that truly bothered me: I ignored her severely competitive nature, as I
was in no competition. Well, that is, until now.
The one person in the whole school whom I would have liked to go with (but I doubted would), was a boy that I've liked for... years (and I mean, 8+ years. Not kidding). We've always been friends, so I invited him to go to this dance with me and my "group". A week later, he asks my supposed friend, as a date, to go.
Of course, she knew she had something up on me, and therefore, talked about this dance a whole lot (much more than she had before. She almost was reluctant to go before...) It crushed me. I didn't mind if he went with someone else, but gosh, anyone
but her. We both were pushing him to go, as a group.
So now I feel completely left out. Not only does she have something that she is rubbing in my face (and it hurts... so much), but now this dance is completely going to be a night of, no, not fun... but... ah, what's the word.
It is going to stink.
I don't know what to do. I've spent some money on a nice dress. I've already organized the group... I want to go, but at the same time, seeing them together is going to crush me (not only that, but I know she'll rub it in my face. She already talked of, oh, how their personalities "click".) Plus, it seems that everyone who is "single" in the group is suddenly acquiring dates... I, on the other hand, do not have one. That's not the problem, of course, I have no problem with being single, but what I fear is that its going to be a "third-wheel" type of deal: two is a company, three is a crowd.
I haven't said a word to her about it; but there was one day I was simply visibly upset, she was the only person not to ask what was wrong. (I lied to the others, saying I was sleepy.) My "supposed best friend" is the only person that could care less. Great.
Sorry for the long rant... it just hurts so badly... Just want to skip the next two months and never think about them ever again.
I don't know what to do... or say... I just don't know.