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> Because Things Have Been Heavy Lately, And I'm sort of at the end of my tether.
W.I.N.X
post Sep 21 2012, 9:24 AM
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Basically guys...I've been having a looooot of issues as of late. I know a few of you know of them, and heck, one of you, and you know who you are, have put up with all my angst on Tumblr and have tirelessly sent me messages asking me to be ok, and I couldn't thank you enough for that. And I know most of you are no longer here, but if you least check in, you'll see this, and you guys are sort of my last hope. And where better to come than some of my best friends, who I put a lot of faith in for a long period of my life.

But I don't know how to do it anymore. Everything is kind of wrong right now and one of my friends is making me terribly uncomfortable as of today, and I'm honestly unsure as to how my group is going to be after this. That is, if I'm going to have friends - and I've got enough issues right now as it is, honestly.

See, my friend, and lets call her Jonie, for arguments sake is troubling me. She was on suicide watch on Tuesday, and texted me as such on Tuesday, telling me she couldn't go out. Now Jonie often exaggerates A LOT when she's been grounded, so I didn't put enough stock in it to worry, but just enough to be that extra bit nice to her. I just didn't approach the issue directly. So then today, she tells me that she was in fact on suicide watch, and it was not parental induced. Now I was extra kind to her again, but now I'm just worried she actually tried to kill herself, as opposed to feeling like she would, and that I treated the topic horribly insensitively. So I suppose I'm worried she'll be mad at me for being self-centred or what not.

Now, and I am very worried about her, I'm also worried my own inadequacies in terms of actually being a good friend are going to lose me my other friends. Half of them are already pretty nasty or seem to dislike me, so I dunno what to do. Plus, in recent times (and I have to say, Jonie is a very, very manipulative girl), she's kind of got all my friends firmly under her thumb. And has already been treating me like dirt. Acting like I'm not really all that worthy, belittling me, etc. I think it's because it suits her, plus, she's thin, pretty and popular, aka not me. Then you have me, weird, weirdlooking, little bit fat and probably annoying. So I feel like she chooses the 'cooler' friends of my group to suit her needs... And I understand she has her own problems, and I'm so worried about her, because when she is a good friend, she's fantastic and fun...but even when she's fun and nice she doesn't seem to care about me...and I try really hard to help other people but I'm not getting response.

I'm sort of just at a loss for what to do. I feel like a bad friend, and I'm worried it's going to impact.

With everything else right now (including, as I don't know how many of you are aware of, my own thoughts of suicide and weight issues), I just honestly don't know how to take it. And I have no one else to turn to, and I trust you guys. And I suppose I just need someone to listen because I don't know how to take it anymore.

This post has been edited by W.I.N.X: Sep 21 2012, 1:23 PM


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humbu111
post Sep 21 2012, 4:45 PM
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Aww Kate, I'm always here if you need someone to talk to. I'm not the greatest at advice but I'm always there for you to drop me a pm here or an inbox on fb if you need someone to listen =)

This is obviously much easier said than done, but maybe its time to find a new group of friends? =/ Your current group, with Jonie in it, doesn't sound like they treat you properly so maybe its time to diversify? Start a random conversation with someone unrelated to this group who you're friends with and slowly start hanging out more with different people? You don't necessarily need to distance yourself from your current group too much, just in a "don't put all your eggs in one basket" kinda way, have other people you can turn to who aren't going to be affected by Jonie's manipulation and such.

And please don't EVER consider suicide yourself. If not for yourself, then for the many many people who care very deeply for you, many of which are MCers. I know we haven't been in regular touch over the past few months, but we've had some seriously amazing times together and I sincerely care if anything happens to you.


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aqua_pearl
post Sep 22 2012, 4:17 AM
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Maybe in this case you could put together an email telling your side of the story, saying what happened, how you feel, pretty much what you told us. Honesty may be best in this case. This way you can say what you need to say and if necessary have your last word in. Overdramatic friends can be very frustrating.

And state an apology to your manipulative friend. She may not deserve it but some times you need to step up and be the bigger person if you want something to work, and your group will see you came forward said your piece and tried to set things right. When things calm down you can get your story straight. It will also let you see which people in the group will be worth investing your time in. Those who support you or want to stay neutral should come around, those who take her side and talk down to you should be left at the curb. Breaking up is hard to do in any since, whether seperating from a partner or a friend, unfortunatly group drama and losing friends is a part of life, but it is best to leave behind the crappy ones and meet new better ones. Friendship needs work on both ends, if you offer your hand and they dont return it, dont stick around. Dont invest your time in people who wont invest in you. Like Humbu says its intimidating and hard, but if theyre a cancer to you its better to cut it off and spend your energy recovering then suffering with it.

And weird is a good thing, you might not see it now but everyones weird in their own ways and thats what also helps define them. True friends embrace your weirdness and make the rest of the world fade off into the background. Every friendship has ups and downs but if it doesnt work, it doesnt work. If you had a bf/gf like that, would you keep them? I'd hope not. Same goes here.
And don't let anyone ever tell you your ugly or fat, they just use it to try to put themselves in a better light. Its a common feeling to doubt that others wont like what they see, EVERYONE worries about that, but if you look at yourself and dont have a problem with yourself thats a good start. Just stay positive hun, try to keep your sight on the good stuff to come.
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mightymarty2
post Sep 22 2012, 8:15 AM
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Lets first deal with Jonie it sounds like she is in trouble but if you didn't know it was not your fault. When she got grounded you were nice to her and even nicer when she told you about suicide watch. I would guess with hindsight it started when she was but on suicide watch and was strugling to tell you so said she was grounded. I would take that , as she trusts you as I doubt she would want it out in public.

Now the main problem is how they treat you and this can only be described as very badly. This is where I would say you need to take a stand depending on 2 things. Do you still want them as friends and do you think they will start treating you better. If the answer to either of these is no then cut your losses and stop being there friend. You will have to do it slowly and explaining that they are treating you badly. As you don't want to look like the one who is the bad person and not standing by Jonie. As by the sounds of it she would try and make you look bad. I know you and believe you could easily get new friends.

You deseve better friends than this and you can do better. So keep you head up and remember you have all of your mcf friends who will suport you.


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winxclubrox23
post Sep 24 2012, 6:01 AM
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I'm so sorry all of this is happening to you, Kate. You're so awesome and don't deserve it. From what I've read though, it isn't you. Your friends, especially Jonie, as you've described them, aren't treating you the way you deserve to be treated. 

I understand what it's like to have a best friend like Jonie. For almost five years, I was best friends with a girl I'll call Willow. We got along really well and always had fun together, but there were times when Willow would ignore me and seem to not care about me at all. She was also very dramatic and often exaggerated the truth. This happened more and more, especially when she did a school transfer program to Russia. For a little while we kept in touch before she began to completely ignore my emails while still keeping in touch with our other friends. She even called me boring to another friend. 

When she returned home and such behavior continued, I began to realize that having a friend like Willow was not benefitting my life. She was causing me more grief than we had fun together, and people like that just aren't worth it. I've since cut her completely from my life, and even though it was really, really hard, I'm a lot happier now. 

I think you should follow Humbu's advice, because it's really, really good. Start reaching out to some people that you have common interests in. Start slowly shifting away from your current group of friends because like Jonie, they aren't worth it. It's always better to have a small number of friends who you really love and who love and support you back than a larger group that treats you like you know what. 

And Kate, I know I'm probably starting to sound like a broken record here, but please never, ever consider suicide. Even if it seems like you're alone at home, you have to remember that there's a bunch of people on the other side of the world who think you're absolutely awesome and nothing less than the bee's knees. You're one of the most fantastic and hilarious people I've met online and if something happened to you, I don't know what I'd do. 


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Abby
post Sep 28 2012, 9:06 PM
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When I look back at all of my "friends" from high school, they pretty much treated me the same way. It wasn't horrible and they could be nice sometimes, but I just always felt like **** around them but continued to be friends with them since I thought they cared. When we all got to college none of them tried to stay in contact with me, I was the one putting all the effort into it. One of my biggest regrets from high school is therefore not realizing how fake my friends were and not trying to befriend other people that I could've had better experiences with.

Sometimes it is for the best to completely cut ties with people because that can open up more doors to other friends and opportunities. Plus hopefully you will feel better around new friends who will treat you better.
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W.I.N.X
post Oct 4 2012, 4:28 AM
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I want to thank you all for trying to help me. I think it's going to come down to finding new friends, though my only concern there is a trip me and my current friends have already booked for the end of high school next year. I really appreciate the support from you all, and it's made me feel a lot better, for sure.

A lot happened in the intervening days since I posted this and it's basically culminated in my complete and utter isolation from my friends...because I did something really, really, really bad. I won't post here, since the content of such is somewhat confronting, but it basically ended in my hospitilization (um, if any of you who have me on FB want to know, message me, but I don't want to glorify what happened, because I am endlessly ashamed). I didn't try to kill myself or anything like that, but the events that led up to my hospitlization revealed that I was suicidal and my parents have been informed of this. One, my actions were self-destructive and my friend, and let's call him Ron, heard me saying under the influence of what I had done that I was indeed suicidal. Ron was already very worried about me, and called the ambulance when things went wrong, and then it all spilled out once I got out of hospital.

Now though, all of my friends, not including Ron, a girl we will call Nicki, Nicki's cousin, Jonie, who was surprisingly sympathetic (but may still be under the influence of my friends who we'll call Ruby and Sierra), and my friend Marie, who wasn't directly involved, are basically treating me like dirt as a result. I have apologised, and I know for a fact outsiders see my apologies as sincere, but the rest of the girls in my group, in particular Ruby, are basically the alphas of my friendship group, and Sierra is not far behind. Jonie has a bond with Ruby and Sierra, and they are, very much, the ringleaders of our little pack. And two out of three are directly angry with me.

Now they're not very nice to Nicki either, and she absolutely hates it, but Nicki is friends with Marie, who is the above trio's little pet. Marie isn't angry with me, and has been supportive, but she could also turn at any time. I'm confident in Nicki standing by me, but she may turn her back on me, just out of allegiance to Marie.

It would be simple if I could forget them and be friends with Ron, but that's not possible for a number of reasons, 1.I go to an all girls school that he obviously doesn't attend. 2. He's in the grade above me. 3. He lives a few towns over.

Now I don't mind spending time on my own, but at school I really do want someone to sit with. And then there's the matter of the trip we've booked for next year. Basically the entire graduating class of the state goes to the beach for a week after finishing high school, and now I just don't know who to go with, but I really do want to go and gah IDK.

Basically, my rant was to just fill you guys in. I am going to try to get new friends, I jsut need to figure out how.

But thank you all so so so much for being so caring and trying to help me. It mean's so much I can't even describe how much it means.

This post has been edited by W.I.N.X: Oct 4 2012, 4:30 AM


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mightymarty2
post Oct 4 2012, 7:40 AM
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Well as its all out in the open now. It is quite clear how your "friends" feel towards you. The action that caused it is worrying but some good may have come of it. It sounds to me like you will never have peace with this group due to your concerns. So finding new friends is a wise move.

If your graduating I assume you will either move up the next level of education (Not 100% sure what that is different place, different systems) and if that is in a new place or even if you gain more students where you study now. It will be a lot easier. So it may be difficult for a short period but it will get easier.


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Abby
post Oct 16 2012, 4:07 AM
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I'm sorry to hear about all of that and I hope that you are doing better now and find new friends. It might be best to not totally break from them if this trip is paid for and planned, but still not stay as close with them if it won't be healthy and in your best interest. Hopefully there are some other girls you could become friends with before then though!
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