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> its a desteny part two
princess bloom o...
post Oct 21 2011, 9:22 PM
Post #1


Harmonix Fairy
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"Hey how dare you punch me" turb shouted getting really angry "how dare me you started it by calling me an hold hag" zoey yelled at him trying to kick him where no boy would not want to get hit but instead ended up hitting the wall with such force "that sould keep her from doing anymore damage" said sardon putting his fan away

Cafe mew mew

Elliot was just explaning what had happend before he got there to mark

"Where the hell is zoey!" Screamed mark wanting to know why dren took her

"Elliot come here we found zoeys pendant near the brige" called corina "we might be able to find her then we can look inside it to see if there is anything" said elliot calmly

On top off a roof.

"Well good going sardon you knocked out zoey tarbs got a bleeding lip this is your fualt" dren said to sardon because he didn't want the blame

"My fualt this was your stupid idea from that stupid little brain off yours thinking you know more then all of us but you don't!" sardon practically yelled at dren tarb was just watcching the two fight he walked off and flew of the building to somewhere he didn't think off going kiki`s house

Kiki`s house

Kiki was just coming out of the bathroom when she saw tarb "tarb tarb tarb tarb" kiki yelled with excitment and pulled the boy inside her room hugging him so he could barley breath

And again I will try and finish it of soon and sorry if its confusing



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P-girl
post Oct 22 2011, 9:57 AM
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....
I'd rather have you finish it off with proper grammar, spelling and punctuation. Please. It's not a race. Just try harder to make it a good story.
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princess bloom o...
post Oct 22 2011, 4:56 PM
Post #3


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Ok I'm really sorry about the punctution grammer and spelling don't luagh but I know what grammer and puntution is I'm sorry

I meant I don't know whhat they are


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P-girl
post Oct 22 2011, 6:12 PM
Post #4


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It's the commas and dots you use. As well as proper use of Capital letters.
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princess bloom o...
post Oct 22 2011, 8:42 PM
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Ok I get them but capital letters will be a problam cuase my capital letter button doesn't work


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P-girl
post Oct 22 2011, 8:47 PM
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'Kay... I can forgive that.
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princess bloom o...
post Oct 23 2011, 6:48 AM
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Ok


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Another Morning
post Oct 24 2011, 2:27 PM
Post #8


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Another word of advice would be to just use one topic for the whole story, so the chapters are easier to find.

Basically, I'd echo what P-girl said, and the advice I gave you last time. Everything seems to just kind of happen without any real reason, and the lack of grammar and punctuation make it hard to understand.


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RIP Falicia (AngelDarkstorm, Anime-Princess) :: 01/19/1990 - 05/25/2013 :: I love you, Sisser.


"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying." ~Oscar Wilde
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princess bloom o...
post Oct 24 2011, 7:42 PM
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I know but the problam is tha

I know but the problam is that I don't know when to put them in
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Another Morning
post Oct 24 2011, 10:27 PM
Post #10


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Hmm...P-girl said she could help, I believe? And I'd help you out with that, too, if you want.


--------------------
RIP Falicia (AngelDarkstorm, Anime-Princess) :: 01/19/1990 - 05/25/2013 :: I love you, Sisser.


"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying." ~Oscar Wilde
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princess bloom o...
post Oct 25 2011, 5:29 PM
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Ok but how are you sopposed to help me



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P-girl
post Oct 25 2011, 5:32 PM
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Beta-Reading. I.E. fixing your grammar/spelling/punctuation mistakes.
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princess bloom o...
post Oct 25 2011, 7:33 PM
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Uh what


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P-girl
post Oct 25 2011, 7:37 PM
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You send your story to me, I'll fix the mistakes in it, then send your story back so you can publish it.
Tough.... you might want to find someone who actually knows about the whole Mew Mew thing.....
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princess bloom o...
post Oct 25 2011, 7:41 PM
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Yea but how do I send it to u



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P-girl
post Oct 25 2011, 7:51 PM
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You.... use the private message system?
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princess bloom o...
post Oct 25 2011, 8:06 PM
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Ok but won't I have to write it all to you first :/


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P-girl
post Oct 25 2011, 8:09 PM
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Yes. Then I'll fix the mistakes, send it back, and you can post that version. But again, you might wanna ask someone who actually knows Mew Mew Power.
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Another Morning
post Oct 25 2011, 10:36 PM
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I haven't watched it in a while, and I mostly saw Tokyo Mew Mew, but I do know about Mew Mew Power and can help you with those parts.

How beta reading goes is that you write out the chapter like you normally would. When you're done, you send it to your beta reader (in this case, P-girl or I) and they correct spelling and grammar mistakes. Sometimes they'll also help you with parts of the story or character actions. When they're done, they send it back to you. You take the revised version, make sure you like it, maybe even send it in for beta reading again if you decide to make changes, THEN post it.


--------------------
RIP Falicia (AngelDarkstorm, Anime-Princess) :: 01/19/1990 - 05/25/2013 :: I love you, Sisser.


"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying." ~Oscar Wilde
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princess bloom o...
post Oct 26 2011, 6:06 PM
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Oh ok that sounds easy


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