The boyfriend's mother..., ...is an absolute pain -.- Options

[Vaughanh7]

Heey :) sooo I have this dillema...

My boyfriend's mother is annoying me to hell and back. I just don't know where I stand anymore. About 7/8 months back, when me and my boyfriend got together, everything was fine. Both our parents seemed to be fine with us. And my parents love him to pieces. All the problems started about four months into the relationship. His mother started saying we were seeing each other a bit too much. I kindly agreed and lowered the amounts of time we saw each other. Then she went on to saying that she's worried about our relationship being on facebook. So in order to avoid disagreements, we took it down from facebook. But that wasn't enough-she's now accusing me of being responsible for him spending his own money. She blames me if he forgets to do one tiny homework, or if he accidentally forgets to do HER bed. (now here's the thing: My boyfriends chores consist of: hoovering the house, cleaning his room, washing all the dishes, mopping the kitchen, clearing the dog pen, taking the dogs for a walk, feeding the dogs, doing all the beds. And he does this daily, along with trying to do sixth form homework, see me, and now she wants him to find a job) She honestly does NO housework and expects him to be superman and be able to do everything imagineable. When is he suppose o have time for himself? She thinks him forgetting to feed HER dogs is 'teenage retalliation' well, I'd love to see her deal with someone like me then...she's told him she hates me. Which caused a four hour non-stop self hating cry-session from moi. She threatened to kick him out the house because of me. We've gone so far that we've offered to finish our relationship until she feels happy with us. We try our very best to make her happy. My parents think she's just worried he won't be around to do everything for her because he's with me. She refused to allow us to break up on her behalf. What does she want?! I'm getting sick of her. I have never felt so much hate towards a person in my life and I hate myself for it.

Any help is welcome! Am I doing anything wrong?

[mightymarty2]

No you are not doing anything wrong, I think what you have done is right. However it looks like to me his mother wants her child to do well at school and be responsible. Although she seems to be going a bit over the top, a good education will improve his life and she seems concerned that he will get distracted by you and do as well as he could. I hope this helps

[Mazei AD]

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This post has been edited by Mazei AD: Dec 3 2015, 9:15 PM

[Vaughanh7]

Thanks to both of you!

Now, we were proven today it is his education she is worried about most. She was under the impression his grades were slipping (although I have no idea how having two A's and a C in his first half of A-level is 'slipping' when he could do no better tbh) she was proved wrong. But she still hasn't given up. Apparently 'nothings changed' according to her. I give up. I'm just going to be who I am, if she doesn't like it. Tough. I like me, and I'm pretty sure her son does too.

In answer to the question-i asked this same question when we started having troubles! But yes, he has had one other boyfriend of a three month long relationship. Funny thing is-she didn't have a problem with him at all

[Mazei AD]

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This post has been edited by Mazei AD: Dec 3 2015, 9:17 PM

[Another Morning]

Mazei had a good suggestion there. If you can, maybe try to sit down and talk with is mother. Ask her what her problems with the relationship are and see what you can do to reassure her that you care about her son too and also want him to do well. Maybe if you two can have a peaceful discussion, she'll be more willing to accept the relationship.

[Vaughanh7]

A tiny bit of detail I forgot...I did try and speak to her once. And all she did was say I was trying to 'play games with her' and 'manipulate her' so I told her I think she has the entirely wrong impression of me....so she turned it and thought I was saying I had the wrong impression of her. She frustrates me but I never fail to have a smile on my face and a friendly 'Hello' when see her.

As for my bf previous- No he was nothing like me. I asked a few people today to describe him so I could put a fair point of view instead of just mine of him to you, the people I asked were friends with him yet they still said he is a - immature, odd, procreative, slightly annoying, the one I liked the most was- 'the only thing he could ever pass was drama but that's just because he's a drama queen and a half'.

Thanks for all your support guys! And to think I thought I didn't fit in here :]

[Another Morning]

Urg, I know how frustrating people like that can be. It's nearly impossible to have a discussion with them because they twist everything you say to fit their argument, even if it makes no sense.

From the description, it sounds like she was fine with his old boyfriend because she knew they wouldn't last o_o; Now that he's with someone who shows long-term potential, she's worried. I really wish I could be of more help, but all I can think to do would be to keep supporting your boyfriend and helping him do well in school while you two are dating, and just keep proving that you aren't a "distraction".

And of course you fit in, I'd like to think we're a pretty open group ^^

This post has been edited by Another Morning: Nov 1 2011, 5:50 PM

[{§hani}]

sweetie how old are both of you, if you dont mind me asking?
it just seems to me she's over protective and manipulative of him, she obviously see's you as a threat on time he could be spending on her, like he's being disloyal to her or something, But dont let it break the two of you up for such nonsence, i think she needs to realize that it isnt all about her and that the two of you being together isnt some kind of plot to steal her son away from her. perhaps it s not you that needs to talk things out with her but both your boyfriend and you, so that she understands that its not just you feeling overwhelmed by her demands and i guess in a way if both of you speak to her, together, she wont feel like his word is on your behalf, if you get what i mean.

and remeber that its not your fault here, AT ALL, you shouldnt be crying because of her nor should you and your boyfriend be stressed all the time because she feels like making the two of you bend backwards for her content.
i hope everything works out and remember you're a strong girl!!!!!!

[Vaughanh7]

I'm 15 (going on 16 soon) and he's just turned 17. I originally thought it was our age she had a concern with...but she said to us she had no problem as long as we knew exactly where we stand with the law etc (and in those terms...I am FAR from ready and my boyfriend understands that).

I kinda feel better, now that I know other people would more likely stay on our side, my friends, his friends, you guys (which can basically fit under my friends I guess :) ) and my parents all agree that it is her with the problem. Heck, even her husband agrees with us.

I guess things could be worse :) Thank you all!

[Mazei AD]

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This post has been edited by Mazei AD: Dec 3 2015, 9:16 PM

[{§hani}]

oh age isnt a problem nor should ever be (im 17 and my boyfriend is 19 - so where in the same boat there)
im glad you both have the support of the people around you because that always helps and dont get carried away with it.
it could be worse but it need'nt be C:

//huggle.

[Vaughanh7]

Thank you alll sooo much!! ^.^

Ah if only this was a rant page...it'd be FULL. teehee

[{§hani}]

hahaha C: i love me some rants!