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> My Essay, asking for some proof readers
melgirl1778
post Nov 29 2008, 8:15 PM
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if you guys can please proof read and tell me what you think.

here is the prompt:
While we all take pride in the many accomplishments and opportunities of our own country, we can also benefit from a better understanding of ideas and practices in other parts of the world. Select a country and describe a policy, approach, or philosophy that might make that country a model for us to seriously consider in the United States. What would it take for this idea to work in the U.S.?



During an economic depression, employment in the United States is becoming harder to find for some Americans. This can be because they are simply not available or that the candidates are not qualified enough. Australia has implemented a program to fight unemployment rates called the Community Development Employment Projects or CDEP. CDEP is a government-funded program designed to help citizens of Australia receive economic dependence. The United States can learn from Australia and this program to execute a similar one during our economic trials.

The Community Development Employment Projects is a stepping-stone to a full time job. CDEP provides an Australian citizen a temporary job that will benefit the community and offers education at the same time. This temporary work provides the worker with the experience and skills necessary in a workplace environment. Resources are also available for resume writing and job placement outside of this temporary program. To encourage employment outside the program, the CDEP does not give benefits or pay full wages; this keeps a revolving door of workers and creates more motivation for secure, better jobs. The projects also provide incentive for potential employers. After hiring a CDEP participant, the company can receive wage assistance. For the first twenty-six weeks of employment, the CDEP will help pay part of the employee’s wages. This motivates employers to hire those from the CDEP and in turn increases the participation in the program.

Because of the current economy in the United States, we should consider employing a program such as the Community Development Employment Projects. Such a program will take too much time to pass on the national level. What we can do to start a similar program would be to begin at local or state levels. States would have to use part of their budget, but it has the potential to greatly benefit the state by producing more jobs and incentive for companies to move into the state. Once applied in different states, others would be more willing to comply, and possibly it can turn into a nation wide program.

Our Country is struggling with unemployment rates. People need a stepping-stone for the education and experience it takes to produce and obtain long lasting employment opportunities. The Community Development Employment Projects provides a great starting place for the United States to design their own program to help the unemployed of America.



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Zhanneel
post Nov 30 2008, 5:22 AM
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Unless someone gets to it before I do, I can check this for you tomorrow since I have a day off =).
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melgirl1778
post Nov 30 2008, 6:44 PM
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anything is much appreciated



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Zhanneel
post Nov 30 2008, 7:52 PM
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Sorry it took me so long to get back to this, I forgot to look into it this morning. *whaps self* But overall it read very nicely and I understood everything perfectly. I added some changes which you are free to use or not use, more like suggestions.

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During an economic depression, employment in the United States has become harder to find for some Americans. The reason may be that there simply are not enough jobs available or that the candidates are not qualified enough. Australia has implemented a program to fight unemployment rates called the Community Development Employment Projects or CDEP. CDEP is a government-funded program designed to help citizens of Australia receive economic dependence. The United States can learn from Australia and this program to execute a similar one during our economic trials.

The Community Development Employment Projects is a stepping-stone toward a full time job. CDEP provides an Australian citizen a temporary job that will benefit the community and offers education at the same time. This temporary employment (lots 'o "work" in the sentence =P) provides the worker with the experience and skills necessary in a workplace environment. Resources are also available for resume writing and job placement outside of this temporary program. To encourage employment outside the program, the CDEP does not give benefits or pay full wages; this keeps a revolving door of workers and creates more motivation for secure, better jobs. The projects also provide incentive for potential employers. After hiring a CDEP participant, the company can receive wage assistance. For the first twenty-six weeks of employment, the CDEP will help pay part of the employee’s wages. This motivates employers to hire those from the CDEP and in turn increases the participation in the program.

Because of the current economic situation in the United States, we should consider employing a program such as the Community Development Employment Projects. Such a program will take too much time to pass on the national level. What we can do to start a similar program would be to begin at local or state levels. States would have to use part of their budget, but this could potentially benefit the state greatly by producing more jobs and incentive for companies to move into the state. Once applied in different states, others would be more willing to comply, and possibly it (could?) can turn into a nation wide program.

Our (capitalization?) Country is struggling with unemployment rates. People need a stepping-stone for the education and experience it takes to produce and obtain long lasting employment opportunities. The Community Development Employment Projects provides a great starting place for the United States to design their own program to help the unemployed of America.
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melgirl1778
post Dec 4 2008, 7:38 PM
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thanks so much!!! you were very helpful


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Zhanneel
post Dec 5 2008, 3:28 AM
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I hope you got it in time =P.
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