My First Story - The Winds In The Wrong Direction Rating Options

[Candyiz789]

The Winds In The Wrong Direction

By Candyiz789

Chapter 1: Nothing out of the ordinary

Tom, a boy you might know, was sitting on the grass staring at his ant collection, red ants, black ants and even white ants! He was sitting looking at how the ants breeded. Tom was fourteen and most of his class at school were bored of lessons but Tom, No! He would be listening every spec of time and got most of his grades a B+ and a few A's but it was no big deal to him. Mr.Biggs his Science teacher gave him a project to make an ant colony and see if they breed.

***
Every morning, Tom would wake up, go downstairs and into the garden to pick some ants, He counted his colony, 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10..11..12..13......... 197.. 198... 199.. 200! He had successfully counted his colony of 200 ants. His mother thought nature was there to stop humans from living, But truthfully Tom said, 'That nature is here for our planet to look spectacular' He woke up one morning and realised his ant colony was gone! He looked everywhere for his colony but nothing. They were scattered underground. But he doesn't know whats happening.

This post has been edited by Candyiz789: May 25 2008, 7:25 AM

[P-girl]

Uhm, what can I say about this.... not much, since it's so little. And that's my main point of critique; this isn't a chapter, it's a sentence. Now, I've got nothing against short chapters and stories (Most of my own stories are short one-shots, and one of the finest literary pieces I've ever read; The old man and the sea, was a feather-weight to.), but this is just way to little. Hopefully your next 'chapter' will actually be a chapter.

[MorriganAensland]

Indeed. It's not a chapter. It's a sentence, one without much weight if any in it. If you're going to write a chapter, you should also have plenty of time set aside before you do it.

[Candyiz789]

Its NOT supposed to be, I didnt have enough time.

I see your point Morrigan.

This post has been edited by Candyiz789: May 25 2008, 7:12 AM

[P-girl]

Better, although still very short, but at least it now can be defined as a chapter. It's still a bit little on information, and I still have no idea where this will be going. (This isn't always a bad thing, mind you. This could well be the beginning of bizarre Japanese-like horror..... okay, maybe not.) But I'm actually quite curious. That might be because of my 'love' for ants and other hive-minded insects. (The whole structure of the complex societies they build up compels me)

[Candyiz789]

Yeah. Well, that chapter was made a year ago. I've practiced more now.

This story's plot had an adjustment.

CHAPTER 2
THE WARLOCK OATH....
will be posted later.