Funny Stuff Rating Options

[Hanna]

rofl

[wkw427]

unicron doesn't approve


far away


simple


jesus approves


jesus doesnt approve


facepalm


This post has been edited by wkw427: Aug 1 2009, 3:56 AM

[AnnieBelle]

How do you get Lady Gaga to cry?
Poke 'er face.

How do you get an old lady to cuss?
Get another old lady next to her to shout "BINGO!"

There are two muffins in an oven. One says, "Man, it's hot in here."
The other one says "HOLY CLAP! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stomp out fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stomp out the burning ducks.

So I see this pirate, and he's walking around with a paper towel on his head. So I ask him "What's with the paper towel?"
He replies, "Arr, I got a Bounty on me head." {note: uhhh it's a paper towel brand}

Why don't dinosaurs talk?
Because...THEY'RE DEAD!

How to avoid bad knock-knock jokes:
"Knock knock!"
"Uh...come in!"

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because IT WAS DEAD!

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
It was stapled to the first monkey.

But, why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Peer pressure.

Did you hear about the guy who got the entire left half of his body cut off?
Yeah, I hear he's all-right now.

What happened to the agnostic dyslexic insomniac?
They stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog.

Two fish are in a tank.
One says to the other, "...do you know how to drive this thing?"

Why was the math book so sad?
It had a lot of problems.

-and these last two, you've probably heard before.-

What kind of cheese just isn't yours?
NACHO CHEESE.

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because, seven eight nine.

[humbu111]

[Anime Princess]

hehehehehhehehehehhehehehehehehhehehehehheheheheheheheh i cant stop laughing

[AnnieBelle]

I will admit, I took those from Hank Green's 50 jokes in 4 minutes he did back in November.

The following are from the 51 jokes in 4 minutes done in February.

What happened to the magical tractor?
It turned into a field...

What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaaiiiinnssssss

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

How do you fit 5 Bulbasaurs and 2 Charizards on a bus?
...you poke 'em on.

Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are locked in mortal combat!
Darth Vader pulls Luke close to him and says "I know what you're getting for Christmas."
"What?! How?! That's impossible!"
"I felt your presents." {Note: because presents and presence sound the same and...haha it's Star Wars.}

Why do chicken coops only ever have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4 doors, they would be a chicken sedan! {Note: coop and coupe...? Come on, it's funny!}

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
One goes *WHACK* "Darn!" and the other goes "Darn!" *WHACK*

Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because...she's dead.

What is black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white...?
A penguin rolling down a hill.

What's black and white and laughing?
The penguin that pushed the first one.

How many Dragonball characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
OVER 9000!

How many Dragonball characters does it *really* take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one. But it's going to take about 6 episodes.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor. [miner, minor, get it? xD]

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
The sailors were all marooned.

What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt!

A baby seal walks into a club.
ahahahaha.

If I have one little green ball in one hand, and one little green ball in the other hand, what do I have?
The undivided attention of a leprechaun.

xD done for now~

[humbu111]

[Another Morning]

XD Haha, nice.

The DBZ one about six episodes is FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S TRUE

[dittadulla]

XD Hahaha.

[Hanna]

rofl

[AnnieBelle]

Three termites walk into a bar and say, "Hey, is the bartender here?"

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
Ahh, I think that would be called a stick.

"Uh, Billy...why did you eat your homework?"
"My teacher said it was a piece of cake!"

How come a nose can never be twelve inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.

Why doesn't Julius Caesar ever use his cell phone?
Because, he's dead.

The calendar's days are numbered. [haha like "your days are numbered"="you're gonna die"]

Did you know that Michael Jordan can jump higher than your house?
Yeah, uh, my house can't jump.

Today I changed a lightbulb, and then I crossed the street, and then I walked into a bar.
And then I realized: My entire life is a joke!

A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an Algebra class the other day.
It was a weapon of math disruption.

Where did the king keep his armies?
In his sleevies.

I was wondering why the Frisbee was getting bigger...
And then it hit me.

How many elephants can you fit in a Mini Cooper?
4, two in the front and two in the back.

How many giraffes can you fit in a Mini Cooper?
None, 'cause there's already all those elephants in there.

How do you get two whales in a Mini Cooper?
Uhh, same way you get two whales in any other car, you get on I-44 and you go across the MLK Bridge?

How do you know if there's an elephant in your refrigerator?
You can see the footprints in the butter.

How do you know if there's two elephants in your refrigerator?
You can hear them giggle when the light goes out.

How do you know if there are three elephants in your refrigerator?
Because you can't quite get the door closed.

How do you know if there are four elephants in your refrigerator?
Because there's a Mini Cooper parked outside.

What's gray, has four legs, and a trunk?
A mouse on vacation.

What is the difference between an elephant and a plum?
Plums are purple.

What did Jane say when she saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
"Look, a herd of elephants coming over the hill!"

And what did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?
"Look, a herd of plums coming over the hill!"
..I maybe forgot to mention that Tarzan's colorblind.

What did Beethoven and Mozart turn into when they died?
Decomposers.

What is a chicken's favorite composer?
Bach. [/bawk]

What did the stamp say to the envelope?
"Stick with me, man, we'll go places."

What do you feed an invisible cat?
Evaporated milk.

What did the wicked chicken lay?
A deviled egg.

"Doctor, doctor! I swallowed my pen! What do I do?"
"Ahh, use a pencil...?"

"Uh, one."
"How many mind-readers does it take to change a lightbul—wait a minute..."

How many computer programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Yeah, uh, none, that's a hardware problem.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eye-deer [say it out loud, kinda sounds like "no idea"]

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

[humbu111]

[wkw427]

image macros are more funny


This post has been edited by wkw427: Aug 8 2009, 5:30 PM

[Hanna]

all i can say is.... LOL and by the way goldeneye 64 is a great game ^^

[wkw427]

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[Another Morning]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7qx1FGRt54

AND

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urNyg1ftMIU (very slightest hint of 13+)

[fullmoon]

All of this stuff is hilarious. It is good if I want to get laughing. ^^ Thanks!

[wkw427]

Can you find The Hidden Tiger ?

[dittadulla]

@wkw: No, where? xD

[Another Morning]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhYYaPbJTJs

wat