To Reach Out for Some Advice Options

[Boo]

This is going to sound truly pathetic, but I've been dealing with some issues lately... They're pretty petty, but they're bothering me to the point where I feel like I'm going to burst open.
And so, instead of keeping it all within me like a ticking bomb, I've decided to seek help from an un-biased point of view: and where better to turn than my Magix Club family? All those who are caring and kind and act more like friends then a few of my "face-to-face" friends do.

Here's the issue:
Every year, we have this huge dance at my school towards the end of the year. Lots of money is poured into this event, and for most, it is all about having a date.
Well, that wasn't the case for me, until now.
I planned, yes, planned, on going alone, and I was perfectly alright with that. In fact, I thought it would make a statement. I planned on getting a big group to go together (as friends), so even those without a date can have some company (for I'm not the only one.)

Some info on one of my "friends": she always seems to compete with me: grades, artistic ability... she tries to outdo me at everything and I swear she loves to see me fail. But, at the same time, she gives the impression of being my best friend.
She has never done anything that truly bothered me: I ignored her severely competitive nature, as I was in no competition. Well, that is, until now.

The one person in the whole school whom I would have liked to go with (but I doubted would), was a boy that I've liked for... years (and I mean, 8+ years. Not kidding). We've always been friends, so I invited him to go to this dance with me and my "group". A week later, he asks my supposed friend, as a date, to go.
Of course, she knew she had something up on me, and therefore, talked about this dance a whole lot (much more than she had before. She almost was reluctant to go before...) It crushed me. I didn't mind if he went with someone else, but gosh, anyone but her. We both were pushing him to go, as a group. So now I feel completely left out. Not only does she have something that she is rubbing in my face (and it hurts... so much), but now this dance is completely going to be a night of, no, not fun... but... ah, what's the word.
It is going to stink.

I don't know what to do. I've spent some money on a nice dress. I've already organized the group... I want to go, but at the same time, seeing them together is going to crush me (not only that, but I know she'll rub it in my face. She already talked of, oh, how their personalities "click".) Plus, it seems that everyone who is "single" in the group is suddenly acquiring dates... I, on the other hand, do not have one. That's not the problem, of course, I have no problem with being single, but what I fear is that its going to be a "third-wheel" type of deal: two is a company, three is a crowd.

I haven't said a word to her about it; but there was one day I was simply visibly upset, she was the only person not to ask what was wrong. (I lied to the others, saying I was sleepy.) My "supposed best friend" is the only person that could care less. Great.


Sorry for the long rant... it just hurts so badly... Just want to skip the next two months and never think about them ever again. I don't know what to do... or say... I just don't know.

[Another Morning]

D: *hugs* That sounds rough. I'm sorry that your "friend" is acting like that.

Have you ever talked to her about this competitive edge against you she seems to have? That might be worth looking into...

[humbu111]

Oh wow this isnt petty at all I can totally see why this is bothering you. I'm so sorry to hear about this : ( One question I have though is does the guy have any clue whats going on? Cause the whole him asking her specifically thing sounds really coincidental. Another thing is maybe if he knew what was going on he would reconsider going out with her? I'm not sure if that sounds plausible or not but maybe if he realizes what a jerk she's being he would decide not to go with her. Sorry I know I'm not much of a help D=

[Boo]

D: *hugs* That sounds rough. I'm sorry that your "friend" is acting like that.

Have you ever talked to her about this competitive edge against you she seems to have? That might be worth looking into...

I give her subtle hints from time to time. I have discussed it with her, long ago. There also was a time, a couple years ago, where it got so bad that I simply ignored her for months: needless to say, she got the message, and apologized... but now, it's just picking up where it had been before. Joy.

And thus, I've been ignoring her. Again.

Oh wow this isnt petty at all I can totally see why this is bothering you. I'm so sorry to hear about this : ( One question I have though is does the guy have any clue whats going on? Cause the whole him asking her specifically thing sounds really coincidental. Another thing is maybe if he knew what was going on he would reconsider going out with her? I'm not sure if that sounds plausible or not but maybe if he realizes what a jerk she's being he would decide not to go with her. Sorry I know I'm not much of a help D=

Thanks for your help. :)
I'm actually not the happiest with him right now either: it was both of us, her and I, that asked him (or tried to persuade him) to go (like, a group thing; the three of us as friends along with a larger group.) Instead, he decides to just go with her? Kind of hurts me a bit, I won't lie (and like I said, it was me who convinced her to go in the first place.) o_O

I think he's aware of her competitive nature, as I know he's witnessed it before (she's very competitive academically, and I'm sure he's seen that side of her come out in many classes. I know I have. Nitpicking this and that about what I do, trying to degrade my intelligence every time I speak, doubting every answer I come up with.)

And it's almost like he knows that this whole thing is bothering me - he's acting very sympathetic.

[winxclubrox23]

Aw Boo, that's rough. I used to have a friend exactly like that. I totally know how you feel. Just tell your friend how you feel about all this. If she values your friendship at all, then she'll reconsider going alone with him, and just do the group thing.

As per the the ignoring this, same exact thing happened with us. In grade 9 we didn't have any classes together, so eventually drifted apart, and then randomly last summer out of the blue, she wanted to hang out again. I've personally decided that it was just best for the both of us not to remain friends, and she got the message I think. If she's that bad, for your own sake, maybe it's time to end your friendship with her.

Anyways, *hugs* I hope it works out!

This post has been edited by winxclubrox23: Apr 14 2010, 4:42 AM

[mightymarty2]

Firstly on the competitive friend if she knew and by the sounds of it there is a chance she knew you liked this guy. Then she should have checked with you if it was ok first that they go on a date to the dance. Then taken it from there.

Secondly on the dance you could not go if its going to make you miserable don't go its not worth it. I am not sure how many other people you have in your group you could always go with them and try and avoid the two of them. Assuming there are a lot of people there then that may not be too difficult. Ultimatly you have to decide whats best for you, if you will be happier not going don't go or if you think it would be better to go, go.

[W.I.N.X]

Aww, I'm really sorry to hear that. I know how you feel, I had a friend like that. We 'competed' but she always rubbed it in, looked for faults in mine/made excuses when I had done better than her in something. I think ignoring is probably the best option, since you've tried talking to her, but old habits are clearly dying hard.

As for the everyone getting dates, if literally everyone is, then all I can say is for you to just ask a guy friend to go with you casually. Of course, I'm assuming this was an exageration. Just group all of the more casual dates and other single people together.

[humbu111]

Oh and I think regardless of your friend and this guy, you should still go. Its understandable for that to put a damper on it, but chances are you'll forget them for atleast part of the time and will have lots of fun anyways. Seems like you already prepared for it with the dress and all, so I would say to go. Plus, wherever you are at the time of the dance, whether you go or not, you're probably gonna be somewhat thinking about them. So its not like not going will solve it, I think you should just go and try to have a fun time regardless; you deserve it (:

[Boo]

Thanks so much everyone! Reading through the comments, it's reassuring to know that I'm not alone (but disheartening, at the same time).

Today, I discussed some of the matters with her, and to be honest, she wasn't the kindest. When I asked why she never inquired as to what was wrong (when I was apparently looking severely saddened), she replied with
"I knew you had a problem, so I didn't feel the need to ask. That and I wanted to see how long you would keep it up."

My internal reaction was that of complete shock, like a slap to the face... Ouch?


And so, after further discussion and thinking, I've decided to exclude them from our "group". We're going out to eat beforehand, and I told the boy that I would prefer if he take my "friend" elsewhere to eat (not with our group.) I feel thats the best way to even give the night a shot at being fun.

Not only that, but reading the comments just gave me the encouragement to do what I was considering: just not being friends with her. Not saying I won't be friendly to her, but I've simply come to realize, with your help, that I cannot tolerate it anymore: what did I do to deserve it? A true friend would not treat me the way she has over the years.

On the matter of going or not... I just don't know. My mother, concerned of my well-being, asked if I wanted to go elsewhere: a spontaneous trip, for example, just to get away. At this point, the offer sounds rather desirable, but at the same time, I just know I'll regret not going. I'll end up wondering what could have happened... how much fun I could have had... all the money that I spent...
I'll have to sleep on that a few nights before making a decision.



Thank you all, again, for your help. You have no idea how much your support means to me. It's been such a rough week thus far, and it is so nice to get this off of my chest... It is so nice to have people that care enough to help... it really, really is. I cannot thank you all enough. The atmosphere here is miles better than that I've been swimming in for the past couple of days; thank you all.

[CrowSama]

I say you should go. Being single at a dance isn't bad at all, to most people it makes you seem independent, like you can stand on your own and hold yourself without being self-concious that you don't have somebody on your arm. To the rest of them, well, honestly their opinion dosent matter. Heres what I'd do: Deck myself out at look the best I've ever looked in years, then go there and be the life of the party, that'll make the boys WISH they'd ask you out :) *only what I'd do, and I'm one of those looser kids*

[Jahnavi]

Ouch, that's rough, Boo. First of all, good luck; I hope everything gets sorted out, and we're all here for you. *hugs*
But I agree with the others, you should go anyway. Maybe ignoring your "friend" and that guy for a little while longer would be a good idea; clear the air...but go to the dance anyway. Forget about the fact that you don't have a date, and just focus on having a good time with your friends. In situations like this, where you know you may regret not going, you should definitely go anyway, despite what you're afraid of. Trust me, I know from experience. Because if you already know you'll regret it later, why do you want to skip the dance?
I say, just hold you head high, and go enjoy yourself at the dance. Forget about anyone who's upset you, they're not worth your time anyway.

This post has been edited by Jahnavi: Apr 15 2010, 6:36 AM

[Boo]

Heres what I'd do: Deck myself out at look the best I've ever looked in years, then go there and be the life of the party, that'll make the boys WISH they'd ask you out :) *only what I'd do, and I'm one of those looser kids*

I say, just hold you head high, and go enjoy yourself at the dance. Forget about anyone who's upset you, they're not worth your time anyway.

Thanks to you both. ^_^
I think I will go, and do exactly that = hold my head high, ignore my "friend" and the guy, and try to look absolutely fantastic. (I just cannot imagine waiting another year to wear my dress. It's too pretty to hide in our attic for another year.)
(By the way, I've come to learn that sometimes being a "looser kid" is 100 times more fun. )

I woke up with a renewed sense of confidence - after reading all of these comments, and having said what I needed to yesterday, and getting a good night's rest to sort everything out... I feel like everything has been resolved and I can put it behind me (and try to have a blast at the dance.) ^_^

Thanks again everyone. :) I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.

[Jahnavi]

Good luck, I hope you have a wonderful time at the dance. ^^

[winxclubrox23]

Aw good luck Boo! Have fun!

[humbu111]

Yay, glad things are looking up! Hope you have an awesome time and look amazing, make him jealous he didnt ask you LOL (:

[Boo]

xD Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all the support. :) It's good to know that there are so many great friends here who will listen.

It was a very good time - I felt very confident and it ended up being excellent. ^_^ I just dropped the situation; didn't let it bother me, and simply had fun.

[mightymarty2]

thats good at least you had fun

[Fortress Guy]

I am glad it worked out well for you. A challenge that you can look back upon later knowing you stood up to it in the right way.

The angle you took is similar to the advice I would have given. Do not give others the power to dominate your feelings. Hold them back a little for your protection.

Do not carry expectations of what others may or may not do for you, or to you. Your true friendship is a valuable thing not to be given unwisely.

And a guy who knows you are interested, but chooses not to respond because he is not interested is not the right guy for you.

[W.I.N.X]

Well, I'm really happy for you, Boo! Fort is completely right, he basically summed everything up.

[Jahnavi]

Yay, I'm so glad you had a good time. ^^