The Dragons Of The Valley, A story about the OTHER Great Dragons' Keepers Options

[CloudWriter]

I hope you like this first chapter.

Chapter One: Getting Ready for a Princess's Party

View Point: Massie of Kindros

"Massie, get up! You're late for Emily's birthday party!" Mom called. "Mom, five more minutes!" I yelled, and thumped the pillow onto my head so I would not hear her endless tirades. Really, I did not give a hoot about Emily's B-day. She may be the Princess of Kindros, but that does not mean I'm going to be all gussied-up to her. She's so frilly and pink and...ugh! Has that girl ever heard of black?
I was suddenly tugged onto the floor and unraveled out of my blanket cocoon. My big sister Yinsha's pixie was hovering there, holding them up. "You don't want to upset the Princess, Miss Massirila!" Carmen said cheerfully, and folded up my blanket and put it on my bed. "Yes, I do. And it's Massie. MASSIE!" I exclaimed. "Oh, but that isn't the right way to say it! Your full name is Massirila, and you should call yourself so! Now, into the shower you go," Carmen corrected, and shoved me into my bathroom. I heard the lock click, and I sighed. Better just do it, Mass. If you don't, Carmen, Mom, and Yinsha will be nagging you until you do, I thought, and undressed and stepped into the shower.

View Point: Tammy of Larcinder

I looked at the sparkly pink invitation again. I was having second doubts about going to this Princess's party. Sure, Emily and I have been best buds since I went on that castle tour and bumped into her, but a party? I may be a tomboy, but I still cared that I didn't have a single thing to wear! Plus the invitation said "Formal Dress" on it and I didn't really have anything formal. Well, I suppose I do have that red dress from my mom's dinner party last week, I thought. I went over to my closet and pushed past the prank stuff and finally found it. It was wrinkly, but I could have our maid, Lottie, iron it. I rang her bell to summon her and she walked in. "Yes Mistress Tamara?" she asked. "Lottie, could you please iron this? If I'm going to Princess Emily's party tonight, I don't want to look like a wrinkled prune. Thank you!" I exclaimed, and Lottie curtsied and left with my dress. Now all that left was to pack a few things for the over-night part. Camo sleeping bag, heath essentials, a few CDs, and. . . oooh, yeah! I picked up some of my rubber animals and grinned. Perfect, I thought. With my mental list in mind and Lottie ironing my dress, I started packing for Em's party.

View Point: Olive of Larcinder

"Olive, look at what I found in the mail. It's an invitation to the Princess of Kindros's party. Why did you get on, I wonder?" Grandma Ether asked. "I dunno. I don't know her. Maybe it was left at the wrong address," I said, picking up the pink envelope. Sure thing, it was addressed to the girl who lived one farm down, Angela. "It did arrive at the wrong house. This is for Angela. I'll just bike over there and give it to her," I told Grandma. "'Kay sweetie. You be careful, now. Try not to get caught up in Angela's family," Grandma said. "Promise. bye!" I exclaimed, and went out the front door. My shoes and bike were on the front porch, so i grabbed them both and cycled over to Angela's.
When I arrived, I was greeted by the sound of babies crying. Angela's family is huge, since 5 quints were just born. Angela's family had already had 8 members before. Now it had 13.
I knocked on the door and was greeted by Angela herself. She was holding one of the quints. "Hey, Olive. What's up?" she asked. "Hey Angela. This letter came in our mailbox today, but it was addressed to you. It's from the Princess of Kindros," I said, holding it out. "Oh man! I completely forgot about her party. How about you go in my place, Olive? I can't leave the house because I'm babysitting the quints that night," Angela asked. "Love to! Thanks, Angela!" I exclaimed. I then left her house and went back to my own to figure out what to wear to Princess Emily's Party.

View Point: Princess Emily of Kindros

"I just love this gown! You're a miracle worker with fabrics, Jenny!" I exclaimed. My lady-in-waiting curtsied in reply.
Jenny, my lady-in-waiting, had made my gown for my party. It was pink and soft and beautiful, so I was happy. Of course, it did help that since I was turning thirteen I would be able to help rule the kingdom. Playing in my room with dolls was starting to be such a bore.
"Princess Emily! The guests are starting to arrive! We need you downstairs to greet them!" a squire said as he ran into my room. "Thank you, James. I'll be down in a second," I said, flashing him a smile. The squire looked like he was about to swoon, and then he left with this goofy grin on his face. "Princess," Jenny scolded. "I can't help it! Flirting with boys is just my expertise!" I laughed. "That's because you're the Fairy of Love as well as the Princess of our land. You need to learn to use your powers for the good of others instead of your own purposes," Jenny said. I waved the subject away and stepped into the view of a mirror so I could properly see my self. I looked beautiful, so I started going down the stairs. Time to greet the guests.

Hope you guys liked the first chapter. Feel free to leave any comments or complaints.

[Jahnavi]

I liked it a lot.

The different POV's were a bit short, and you jumped from one character to another a little too quickly. Also, I understand that this takes place in a magical realm, but it would help if you first gave us the background of your story (as in when and where it takes place).

Other than that, though, it sounds pretty interesting. I can't wait for the next chapter! =)

[CloudWriter]

I liked it a lot.

The different POV's were a bit short, and you jumped from one character to another a little too quickly. Also, I understand that this takes place in a magical realm, but it would help if you first gave us the background of your story (as in when and where it takes place).

Other than that, though, it sounds pretty interesting. I can't wait for the next chapter! =)

Thanks for commenting!

Alright then. I'll try to make them longer now. Maybe I'll do a whole entire chapter devoted to that one character. I just need the first two chapters to be like that.
I'll also try to include what has happened in the past and what biggies are happening now.

[Jahnavi]

Great! Thanks for accepting my suggestion. =)

[CloudWriter]

Great! Thanks for accepting my suggestion. =)

You're welcome!
I'll follow your example in Chapter 3 and beyond. I just need chapter 2 to be like that too.
I've emoticoned each character!

Emily:

Massie:

Tammy:

Olive:

Chapter Two: Princess Party

View Point: Massie of Kindros

"I can't believe I came here," I muttered. All around me were pretty-pretty girls in classic dresses in girly colors, such as red and baby blue and lilac. It was just plain disturbing!
I saw Emily address a girl in a strapless red dress with a hug and pointedly looked away when Emily pointed to me. I walked over to the food table and filled a plate full of apples and other fruits. When I looked back up, I saw red-dress and Emily in a poofy pink dress standing next to me. "Massirila, this is my best friend Tamara. Tamara, this is the daughter of my royal guards," Emily introduced. Tamara stuck out her hand and said, "Nice to meet you." I shook it and received a shock, literally. Tamara held up her hand and said, "Joy buzzer." "Ha. Really funny. I'm guessing you're girly's girly girl?" I said, nodding my head over to Emily. "No! I'm definitely not girly!" Tamara defended. "Ha! Your name says girly all over it, and your dress does too. I'm guessing a ball?" I sneered. "No. Mom's dinner party. Didn't want to go, but my parental units are stubborn. And I don't like the name Tamara at all. I'm Tammy, not Tamara," Tamara said. I looked her over once more, and then nodded my head. "Fine. I'll believe this story of yours, but I still think you're a little too girly for me. Good bye, Emily. Tammy," I said, nodding my head to both of them in goodbye, and walked away with my food.

View Point: Princess Emily of Kindros

"Well, that was rude," I said. "Think nothin of it. She's just one of those girls who doesn't like others because of her own reasons," Tamara reasoned. "And what was this whole entire 'Tammy' thing about? I thought you loved Tamara," I asked. "Not really. I did when I told you that, but I like Tammy much more," Tamara said. "Whatever. So, do you know when Angela's coming?" I asked. Angela was my other best friend. "Nope. No calls or e-mails or anything," Tamara answered. "I just don't think that she wouldn't show up. She is my other best friend," I said. "I know, Em. She's mine too," Tamara reminded. "Yes, but she'd probably forget about you more easily. I mean, who forgets about the Princess?" I asked. Tamara looked sad, so I waved my hand in her face and said, "I'm kidding!" But I wasn't really.
I walked over to the drink table when I heard one of the guards at the front door say, "Sorry, no Olive on the guest list. " I sighed and walked over there. There were always people trying to get into my parties. They're just fabulous like that.
"What do you want?" I asked the girl in the door. "Please, Princess Emily. I was told by a girl who couldn't be here tonight that I should go in her place," the girl said. "Yeah right! What is the name of this girl?" I asked. "Angela. Of Larcinder. Angela of Larcinder. She lives one farm down from me," the girl said. "Angela? She sent you? I want proof," I said. The girl looked through her bag and produced a wrinkled piece of paper. "Here. This is a note Angela gave me. I got it when I went to tell her I was off," she said, holding it out to me. I read it. It said it was from Angela, but I still couldn't be sure, so I used my magic to make sure it was Angela who wrote it. To my dismay, Angela had sent this shabby farm girl in her place. "Let her in," I told the guards. The guards obliged and the girl happily walked in. "Hello, I'm Olive," she said, curtsying. "Whatever. You just stay out of sight and don't humilate me," I said, and walked away.

View Point: Olive of Larcinder

It doesn't matter that the princess doesn't like you. It matters that you're here, I thought. It still sucked that Princess Emily thought I was dirt, though.
I set down my present with the others and walked around the huge ballroom. Girls were dancing, or gossiping, but mainly they were avoiding the food table, which wasn't stocked very well. I mean, it had a lot of food, but mainly it was diet stuff. I had counted on something more imaginative, like pudding, or lobster. That's when my eyes caught sight of the most wonderful thing my eyes had set on since I realized their food was pretty much air. They had *fried chicken! They didn't have much of it, which didn't surprise me, but at least there was something! I walked quickly over there and grabbed a plate. I walked past the diet stuff, grabbed a few grapes, and then got my prize of 2 fried chicken legs. I didn't even notice that the other girls that were looking in my direction were surprised, or that Emily was glaring at me. I did notice, however, that one other girl was alone and eating. Sure, it was only fruits, but at least someone wanted to have something other than air in their stomach. I walked over to her table, and sat down. "Hiya!" I said happily. She didn't acknowledge me at all, and I was disappointed, but I reminded myself that my family were optimistic, and I was supposed to keep it that way. "So, this room is huge,huh?" I asked. That was when I noticed her gown. It was a mini, and was black. It reminded me of the black berries back home. "Sweet dress. Back home we have some black berries in the exact same color," I said. "Guess you buy them foreign," Goth-girl said. Well, at least I had gotten something out of her. "Nope. Grow them They're better that way," I said. "Hmm. In a million-dollar greenhouse I'm guessing?" asked Goth-girl. "No. . . outside. I live on a farm," I said. "High class?" the girl asked. "I wish! We might be able to afford a horse track to do lessons, then. No, we live on a middle-class farm, with pigs, horses, ect. It may not be the biggest or most profitable, but it's good enough for our family!" I said proudly. Goth-girl finally looked me in the eye. "So you're definitely not rich?" she asked. "Sorry, no," I apologized. "It's cool. So why are you here, then?" Goth-girl asked. "The girl on the farm next to me was invited but she had to baby-sit tonight, so she let me go in her place. It's so cool being here," I said. "Not really. For me, at least. This room is full of rich, snotty girly girls who haven't even heard of black or hard work," Goth-girl said irritably. "Well, not me," I said, and Goth-girl smiled. "I'm Olive," I said. "Massie. Nice to meet you, Ollie," Goth-girl said. We shook hands, and dug into our food.

View Point: Tammy of Larcinder

"Who is that girl?" I whispered to Emily. "Angela's replacement. Her name is Olive. I told her to stay out of sight, and look what she's doing!" Emily exclaimed. "Hey, isn't that Massirila she's talking to? And did she just make her smile?" I asked. "Oh, I will not let my spot-stealer take Massirila's allegiance away from me," Emily said, and started marching over there. "Didn't she already not have her allegiance to you?" I asked, following her. "Yes, but this Olive girl will just completely erase me from her mind," Emily said. We arrived at their table, and they looked up. "Oh, hello! Nice to see you!" Olive exclaimed happily. I could immediately tell this girl was always happy. It was written all over her, from her big grin to her hair clip that had a smiley face on it. i had to admit, I was a bit creeped out, but I just couldn't see why Em hated her so much. Well, except for the "stealing-her-spotlight" part. I understood Emily enough to know that was horrible in her books.
"You again?" Massirila asked. "Yes, me again, Massirila. I'm not going to deal with you right now, though. I'm more considered with what Olive did," Em said. "What did I do?" Olive asked. "You stole the spotlight from me! No one does that!"she exclaimed. Okay, Em takes her spotlight way too personal, I thought. "Well, excuse her, miss 'I'm better than anyone else' Emily! You don't have to be the center of attention all the time!" Massirila yelled, and grabbed Olive's hand and started dragging her away. "Wait! I didn't get to finish my chicken!" I heard Olive yell, and a small smile escaped from me. Emily saw it, so it disappeared. I had to admit, Olive was funny.

*Subtance! There is fried chicken! Whoo hoo!

Hope you liked Chapter 2! Chapter 3 coming soon. I just wanted to point this little detail out in case anyone missed it. Every character has a nickname. Proof:

Emily:Em

Tamara:Tammy

Massirila: Massie

Olive: Ollie

[Jahnavi]

Not bad at all! ^^

Em is turning out to be a lot like Diaspro (hopefully that will change through the course of the story), but I love Olive! Her down-to-earth personality is easy to relate to, and she is pretty funny. So far, my fave. character is Olive, followed by Massie, followed by Tammy, and finally Em.

[MorriganAensland]

Reading this, it reminds me of Matei, considering it's first person with various characters, and it jumps around. I would've wished, however, you had bothered introducing us to the characters a little more gradually.

And drop down a line or two when someone else speaks. Otherwise it's hard to tell who's speaking or not.

[CloudWriter]

Reading this, it reminds me of Matei, considering it's first person with various characters, and it jumps around. I would've wished, however, you had bothered introducing us to the characters a little more gradually.

And drop down a line or two when someone else speaks. Otherwise it's hard to tell who's speaking or not.

Can't jump down a line or two, sorry. I'm writing this like a book. Hope that's okay.

I love Olive too. I can actually tell you who everybody is based on.

Olive: Me and my friend Harlie

Massie: No doubt my friend Mercy

Emily: My kinda friend Celena and enemy Kelly

Tamara: My new friend Maddie. Doesn't really play jokes on anyone, but my friend Cameron (who was tortured by Mercy last year) describes her as "worse than Mercy".

Hmmmm. . . . I haven't really been thinking of what to write, but I'm sure I'll come up with something just free writing. I'll just bring up Pandora Radio. . . good, it's up. I can start now.

Chapter Three: The Blue Orb

View Point: Olive of Kindros
(Yes this one goes all the way through with just this character.)

All around me, the other girls other than Massie were talking to each other about boys or make-up or beautiful horses. When I said, "I have some horses." no one heard me. I'm just that lousy farm girl who was sent here to be a replacement. I was starting to become depressed when I reminded myself of what I always did. I always stayed chipper, no matter what.
Massie was telling me about her life and I couldn't believe how different it was. She had a sister, her parents, and she lived in the castle! Okay, sure, it was because her parents were the guards, but still! I asked her how she liked it, and she said it was not that great. Sure, she could ask for whatever she wanted and she would get it, but she always had to bow or curtsy when someone royal walked past and she had to go to all of Emily's stupid parties. "I actually like being here. Okay, sure, Princess Emily might be a little shallow. . . " I didn't get to finish my sentence, 'cause when I said, "shallow" the room went completely quiet, and then Princess Emily barked, "What?!" Oh shoot, I thought. "Umm. . . . .umm. . . . " I said. "I am not SHALLOW!" she yelled. I gulped with fear, but Massie came to my rescue. "Oh, get over yourself, Emily! This girl was just saying her opinion! So what if she thinks you're shallow? I do too!" she exclaimed. "I'm not talking to you, Massirila, am I? No, I'm talking to the farm girl who really has no right being here," Princess Emily said. She stared right at me and asked, "Why do you think I'm shallow?" "Well, um, uh, maybe the reason is because how you treat people. You aren't very nice," I said quietly, but Princess Emily heard me. "I do not mistreat people! I'm the kindest person I know!" she said. "Maybe you should take a step back to view the situation before you step in that cow pie," I said. "What?" Emily asked. "It means, maybe you should consider what you say before you do. It'll do you a whole lot of good," I answered, gaining a bit of confidence. Not a lot, but some, and I think Princess Emily saw it too. She sat down in a huff and I exhaled in relief. Massie patted me on the back and congratulated me, unlike everyone else, who just stared at me with shock. I guess standing up to a princess isn't something people do here.
The rest of the party presumed as usual. Girls talked about things they did, but I stayed to myself. I did not want to humilate myself again.
After everyone was asleep, I opened my laptop and started typing an e-mail to Grandma. I sat there for hours, just writing and listening to music. Everything was normal, except for when the clock stroked midnight.
It started with a simple shudder. I brushed it off and continued writing, but then came sudden coldness. I wrapped my blanket around me and continued. Then it got freezing. I couldn't ignore this any longer. Something or someone was here, and it was trying to get my attention. I wiggle my way out of my blanket cocoon and slowly edged my way out of the room. At the end of the hallway, I saw a very bright blue form. It started floated towards me, and when I tried to run away, I found I couldn't. I tried to use my magic, but it was as if my magic was frozen.
When the ball reached me, I saw it was shaping itself into some form. It looked like a me, a bright blue glowing me. Next thing I knew, the form reached out its arm and touched my chest. A wave of bright blue waves flowed all over me. I found my voice and yelled, "Help!" Bu I didn't get to see if someone came, because the next thing I knew, I was gone.

Sorry if you didn't like it. I myself think it went a little fast. Chapter Four coming soon!

This post has been edited by CloudWriter: Aug 25 2008, 11:27 AM

[MorriganAensland]

Well, first of all I'd advise getting rid of the double-post thing you have going here.

Second of all, I'd also advise being careful with basing characters off people you know. Your opinions could end up painting the people you know out to be two-dimensional, no matter how hard you try to avoid it. Especially since Emily seems to lack any true redeeming values as of yet. I'd advise instead trying to base them off character archtypes and thinking up ways to make them have interesting personalities and abilities.

[CloudWriter]

Sorry, guys, but I can't post it right now. 2nd week of school today. I'll do it in the afternoon.

[Jahnavi]

We understand, school definitely comes first. Post whenever you have the time.

[CloudWriter]

We understand, school definitely comes first. Post whenever you have the time.

Thanks for understanding!

Well, I got home about 2 hours ago from school, and I can't get on until one of my parents is home. Well, it turns out that my mom came home at four, but she called and changed her eye doctor appointment so she could get there faster. So, she left, and I had to wait until 5 to get on. My dad gets home then. What can I say? Being 11 and having a dad who works for your states' government and having a mom who's a teacher has its downsides. Including that my mom won't be here for my birthday, but that's a different story.

Chapter Four: The Dragon Valley

View Point: Massie of Kindros

When I heard Olive's yell for help, I thought it was just a dream. Then I realized that, if I could feel the floor under me, it probably wasn't a dream, so I sat up. A strange blue light flashed in the hallway, and I ran out to see what it was. I got just a glimpse of Olive surrounded in the light, and then she disappeared. Sure that this was no hallunication, I ran back into the room and woke up the first person I saw, who was Tammy. "Mpph. . . is it morning already?" Tammy yawned. "No. Something just zapped Olive away," I said. "Oh, it's you, Massie. Are you sure you we're dreaming?" Tammy asked. "Completely. Olive screamed, and there was a blue flash, so I went outside and saw something bright blue take Olive away. I'm serious," I added, looking at Tammy's smiling face. "I believe you. I'm just imagining Emily's face when I tell her," Tammy responded ."No. No way. Princess Priss would just ruin the rescue. We're doing this alone," I said, pulling her up. "When did I agree to do this?" Tammy asked as she was pulled into the hallway. "You didn't. That's the point. Hey, look at this," I said. I was kneeling over at picture of a bright blue dragon that has been burned into the carpet. "Woah. Wonder what made that," Tammy said. "Yeah. It kinda looks like the Great Dragon of Sparx, except that Great Dragon is orange and it doesn't exist on Sparx anymore, since its power is in Queen Bloom," I said. Tammy stared at me. "What? My parents home-schooled me on the history of the magical dimension," I shrugged. "And I was thinking you were some mean goth girl. Hey, isn't this Olive's handwriting next to it?" she asked. "Yeah. Looks kinda messy though, as if she wrote it in a hurry. I think it says, 'Please come. Press drayon. . . no, dragon, and you will be transported to where i am.' God, she must be in a load of trouble," I read. "Yeah. Let's go help her," Tammy said, and pressed the dragon. Suddenly the two were in a bright blue portal. I was so amazed by it that I didn't even notice a pale hand on my shoulder. Suddenly, Tammy and I fell onto a grassy plain. Then I heard a third thump behind me, and turned around. "Stowaway," I hissed at Emily. She scowled at me and stood up in her silk, pink pajamas. "Where are we?" she asked. "Where Olive is. Now, hush!" I said, because I could hear the sound of someone running. The next thing I knew, I was being hugged ferociously. "Oh, I'm so glad you were the three who came! Kindra told me three others would come, and I hoped and hoped it would be you, and it is you!" a familar voice exclaimed. I backed out of the hug and saw Olive standing before me. "Olive! Where are we?" I asked. "And who is Kindra?" Tammy asked. "We're in the Dragon Valley, and Kindra is my bonded dragon. Come on, I'll introduce you guys!" Olive exclaimed happily, running off.

Gotta get off guys. my mom will bust me if I don't. Will write the 2nd part of chapter 4 later.

[CloudWriter]

Chapter Four: The Dragon Valley (continued)
View Point: Massie of Kindros

We all ran after Ollie, but it was hard to keep up with her. She could run fast.
When we finally caught up with her, we were greeted by the sight of dozens of dragons snoozing in the valley below us, and Olive was standing next to one of them, talking. The dragon she was by was bright blue, and huge. Olive spotted us out of the corner of her violet eye and waved us over. We cautiously climbed down the hill and walked past the sleeping dragons to her. "Everyone, this is Kindra, my bonded dragon. Kindra, this is everyone," she introduced. We all said hello and Kindra dipped her head in greetings. "Good day to you all. It is so nice to meet friends of my bond," she boomed. She definitely had a loud voice, but it was gentle all the same.
"Hi. I'm Massie, this is Tammy, and finally, this is Emily," I said. "Princess Emily," Emily corrected, and I rolled my eyes. "Titles mean nothing here. You are simply Emily, Fairy of Love, here," Kindra said. Emily's jaw dropped, which is a sight that caused me many fits of laughter.
"How did you know that?" Emily asked. "Kindra is the Great Dragon of Knowledge," Olive said. "Wait? Are you the Great Dragon from Sparx? You certaintly don't look like it," I said. "Ah, I know him very well. He is my older brother, Flame. No, child, I am not my brother. I am a different Great Dragon," Kindra said. "But isn't there only one Great Dragon?" Tammy asked. "No. My brother has always been a bit of a show-off, so he is the only known Great Dragon. There are actually nine Great Dragons in total- the Great Dragon of Knowledge, the Great Dragon of Fire, the Great Dragon of Water, the Great Dragon of Earth, the Great Dragon of Light, the Great Dragon of Darkness, the Great Dragon of Wind, the Great Dragon of Luck, and finally, the Great Dragon of Nature, animals included. Which reminds me. . . " Kindra said, and waddled off to a huge rock in the center of the valley. "Great Dragons!" she yelled, and all four of us had to cover our ears. Seven dragons looked up from their sleep groggily. "I would like to announce something. We have four girls before us. Three of them are in need of dragon-bonds. Would you please come up here if you are a Great Dragon?" she continued. The seven dragons slowly got up and half-flew, half-waddled over to us. One was green, another gold, one purple, there was a yellow and a brown one, then there was a white one, and finally came a dark blue one. "Girls, these are the other Great Dragons. Faye, the Great Dragon of Light." The yellow one nodded her head at us. "Louis, the Great Dragon of Darkness." The purple dragon rolled its eyes. "Edrick, the Great Dragon of Nature." A green dragon waved its paw happily. "Sandry, the Great Dragon of Earth." The brown dragon also rolled its eyes. "Erica, the Great Dragon of Luck." The gold one hopped up and down. "Samuel, the Great Dragon of Water." A smallish- dark blue one smiled and started playing with a blade of grass. "He is only nine centuries old," Kindra explained, and we nodded knowingly, though we didn't understand he significance of this. Kindra then continued with introducing the last dragon, who must have been the Great Dragon of Wind. "Finally, this is Hendi, the Great Dragon of Wind." The white one was small as well, and didn't show any form of greetings. She did, however, go over to Samuel. The two happily started wrestling, and Faye had to stop them with her big yellow paw. The two child-dragons regained their composture and Hendi said, "Hewwo!" Tammy laughed and said, "Aw, that's so cute!" Hendi's eyes started glowing silver, and she huffed, "I...AM...NOT...CUTE!" Suddenly, a huge tornado appeared and started startling the other dragons out of their sleep. Faye calmly put her hand on Hendi's shoulder, and she calmed down. "Sowwy," she said, and her and samuel satrted wrestling again. "Sorry for my daughter's behavior, girls. She is younger than Samuel, even- only four centuries old. You know how little dragons can be," Faye apologized. Olive nodded her head as if she understood. "I know. When my little cousins come and visit our farm house, I always get stuck with tantrum duty," she said. We were silent for a while, and then Kindra said, "Well, okay then! You three need to go around and talk with each dragon and find out who your bond is." We started walking around, and as it turns out, Tammy was the first to find her bond. It was Edrick. After they talked, Tammy sat down with him and watched Emily and I go around the circle of dragons.
Emily found her bond next, and, surprise surprise, it was the jerky Great Dragon of Earth, Sandry. They talked about how other people shouldn't be up in their business, and I guess they just clicked. So Emily sat down with Sandry, and I was the last one to find a dragon-bond. It turned out to be calm Faye, the Great Dragon of Light, which makes no sense at all. I mean, I'm the Fairy of Dark Fire and am a huge Goth, and I get the Greta Dragon of Light?
After sitting down with Faye, Kindra walked into the center of the circle and started talking. "Now, everybody here has no doubt heard of the Magic Divide," she said. The dragons all nodded, but us four humans had no idea what she was talking about. "What's the Magic Divide, Kindra?" Olive asked her bond. "The War that has been going on between the Evil and Good magical creatures ever since Queen Bloom took up the throne. The Evil people said she had no right to the throne, since the King and Queen were still alive, and that she would just muddle things up so Witches and trolls and such couldn't have their fun. The Good people argued back, and then it was one thing after another, and it ended with a War. For a complete history lesson, go to the library. I do not have enough time to dawdle on it. As I was saying, the Magic Divide. The War has been getting far too out of hand, and it seems the Evils are winning. They have managed to bring back Baltor and Lord Darkar, which have more than double their winning chances. As the Winx Club broke up years ago because of fights among the members, they will not fight together, so the Good side needs people to fight. I contacted Commander Riven, and he will allow us to fight," she said. "Okay then. What exactly does this have to do with us?" Emily asked. "Well, we need people with us. Commander Riven does not know that we are Great Dragons and therefore can think, so we need four fairies to get us in and help us fight," Kindra explained. "Wait. WE have to fight? I seriously think that four un-trained preteen fairies will be able to help at all," I said. "Ah, but you all have huge amounts of power inside of you. At this stage of life, you will have more magic than when you were younger or when you are older. Also, you have the Great Dragons standing beside you. There is no reason to fear," reasoned Kindra. We all looked at Olive for her opinion. She sat on the green grass thinking for a while, and then said seriously, "I think that. . . we should help them. I know about Darkar and Baltor. The Good Side will definitely need our help if they're back, since the Winx Club refuses to help," she said. "Wait. If we could get the former Winx Club to get back together, would we still have to fight?" Tammy asked. "I suppose not. The former Winx members are trained enough that they would be able to help the Good people win. But you would have to get all of them to agree to fight together," Kindra said. "Okay then. We'll do that instead," Emily said. "Okay then. Tomorrow we will head off to Solaria, since it is the nearest origin of a Winx member," Faye said. "Well, I dunno about you, but I'm all tired out. Sleep well, everyone," Edrick said. He then fell asleep, and we did so too.

I think the story will pick up from here. I can't wait till I post chapter 5, because it will all be about them trying to convince Stella to help, and I'll be smiling just imagining what she'll be doing when they tell her that. Maybe I'll make her have a mouthful of water or something and make her spit it out. Major spit-take.

[MorriganAensland]

[rant]

GRAHHH!!!!!

*bangs head against a wall*

POISON FOR MY EYES AND MY MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND MY PROFOUND HATRED OF ALL THINGS AND PEOPLE THAT THINK DRAGONS ARE THE BEST THINGS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

*bashes down one wall with headbutts, goes on to another*

MATT ENGARDE, SAVE ME!!!!!



...

Okay. I'm good now.

For one, why, in God's name, do you continue subjecting us to these accursed Walls of Text? Use the "enter" button a couple of times, like whenever someone *else* is speaking! This is very important and is a facet of the code of conduct of authors, both professional and amateur.

Second, why must you subject everybody's powers to the ever-accursed dragons of fiction?!? One or two are okay, but people spam them all the time! There's plenty of other mythical creatures out there you could've put in this story, ones I would have loved to see! My love of Kirins, for instance... the unsung heroes of the Japanese mythical pantheon.

Third, why are you falling back on a pointless arguement and conflict which strips you of any potential of a genuinely original story? You're just rehashing the same damn situation over again, one that requires the minimal amount of effort on your part. For shame! Baltor will be in it. The Trix will be in it. Darkar will be in it. Mandragora's probably going to be in it. Let's see you actually try to do something original, for God's sake! Go Original Generation on the franchise's ass, please!

If I want a cool dragon, I'll go with Getter Shin Dragon, thank you.

[unrant]

[CloudWriter]

[rant]

GRAHHH!!!!!

*bangs head against a wall*

POISON FOR MY EYES AND MY MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND MY PROFOUND HATRED OF ALL THINGS AND PEOPLE THAT THINK DRAGONS ARE THE BEST THINGS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

*bashes down one wall with headbutts, goes on to another*

MATT ENGARDE, SAVE ME!!!!!



...

Okay. I'm good now.

For one, why, in God's name, do you continue subjecting us to these accursed Walls of Text? Use the "enter" button a couple of times, like whenever someone *else* is speaking! This is very important and is a facet of the code of conduct of authors, both professional and amateur.

Second, why must you subject everybody's powers to the ever-accursed dragons of fiction?!? One or two are okay, but people spam them all the time! There's plenty of other mythical creatures out there you could've put in this story, ones I would have loved to see! My love of Kirins, for instance... the unsung heroes of the Japanese mythical pantheon.

Third, why are you falling back on a pointless arguement and conflict which strips you of any potential of a genuinely original story? You're just rehashing the same damn situation over again, one that requires the minimal amount of effort on your part. For shame! Baltor will be in it. The Trix will be in it. Darkar will be in it. Mandragora's probably going to be in it. Let's see you actually try to do something original, for God's sake! Go Original Generation on the franchise's ass, please!

If I want a cool dragon, I'll go with Getter Shin Dragon, thank you.

[unrant]

Okay, some points I want to make, and none of them involve saying hurtful things. They're just some original things that are coming up/that you might of missed or didn't mention in your rant. If you did, I'm sorry. And I'll try to do the "enter" thing from now on. I wanted to write it as if it was a real book, and I guessed people read like here on that too. Sorry.
Points

1) Villain Thing: Okay, even I was a little disappointed with myself for doing this. There are only a few different things about this: The Trix will not have anything to do with this story. They refused to join Baltor and Darkar after they lost like heck against Winx Club. They are now living in separate homes, scaring the daylights out of living people when they can. And I wanted to combine Baltor and Darkar in this story, because around the end they turn into something else with the help of- oops. Said too much.

2) Power Thing: No one in my story has "Dragon" something. Each of them has a unique power. Massie will never have Dragon Dark Fire. Olive will never have Dragon Wind. Emily will never have Dragon Love. Tammy will never have Dragon Water. I purposely made it like that, because that seemed to much of a rip-off of the show.

3) Dragon Thing: Okay, now I explain the "other Great Dragons" thing. Wow, I have a lot to explain. You see, I wanted to make other Great Dragons because I thought that The Great Dragon of the Flame (aka: Flame) got too much of the attention. I thought that there were probably other Great Dragons, but they weren't known of.

4) Main Characters Thing: I wanted to change them to four preteen girls from Winx Club because that, also, would be a lot of a rip-off. So I made the Winx Club break up, and made Olive, Emily, Tammy, and Massie the main characters, because if you think about it, you can only use Winx Club as the characters if they're together. Plus I wanted these new characters to be different than the former Winx Club. They don't want to fight; Winx Club did. They don't hold the power of the Dragon Whatever; they just ride their bonded-dragons and their dragons help them.

5) for everything else: I'm just a kid! 11! I'm doing this story as a trial fan-fiction to see how I do.

Is that enough, or do you want me to explain anything any furthur, or did I explain something that did not need to be explained?

[P-girl]

Just one thing.....

Real books also use the ´Enter thing´. It´s called ´New Speaker, new Paragraph´.

That is all.

[CloudWriter]

Just one thing.....

Real books also use the ´Enter thing´. It´s called ´New Speaker, new Paragraph´.

That is all.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh....sorry, Morrigan Aensland. P-Girl explained it all. Sorry I was so emotional about it.

[P-girl]

I.... explained it all.....? I just gave my little remark about the 'Enter thing' in hopes to clear things up a bit.....

[CloudWriter]

I.... explained it all.....? I just gave my little remark about the 'Enter thing' in hopes to clear things up a bit.....

You explained it all when you cleared it up. Sorry if you're confused. I think in odd ways.

[MorriganAensland]

*sighs*

Good. That was arguably my biggest complaint, and the only one that is not simply my opinion on the matter. And also one you kept avoiding in my previous posts.

However, the whole "Dragon" issue still stands. There's a bunch of dragons, and everyone one of your characters will "match up" with them. Rather than trying to have only a couple of the protagonists have bonds, while others are seperate, you clumped them all together.

Now, this is just a matter of opinion, but I feel that's a little formulaic still. One of the reasons I love Super Robot Wars so much is all the Original Generation pilots, or at least the ones with super-powerful mechs, is because all their robots come from different places. Masaki's got the Cybuster, aka the Elemental Warlord of the Wind; Sanger, Elzam, and Touma have the Dynamic General Guardians 1, 2, and 3; Bullet and Kusuha have the Ryukooh and Koryuoh, and the SRX team's most powerful machine is the SRX Altered Banpreios. And that's not counting all the other cool mechs, like those designed by the Shadow-Mirrors, or the Shura God machines, or the utter awesomeness that is the Aile Chevalier.

I understand you're not having the characters have Dragon powers, but it still seems too unoriginal. The fact all of this is just suddenly dropped on us is also a bit of a disappointment. The same goes for succumbing to the desire to give a blanket statement across the board of "good" and "evil" for probably much of the Winx canon. Good and Evil are merely viewpoints, and history is written by the winners, who naturally will paint them out to be bastions of hope and love while the defeated will appear as despicable and amoral abominations barely one step above animals.

This post has been edited by MorriganAensland: Aug 30 2008, 2:18 PM