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> Dreamer, This story is about a boy named Lance. He's a specialist from eart
Ranma
post Jun 10 2008, 9:33 AM
Post #41


Cosmix Fairy
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((For those that are keeping up with this. I have just finished the last part of "chapter 7: party monster" .... It is posted in the same post as chapter 7 of course, and can be found page 2. Chapter 8 should be out soon hopefully. Thanks for being patient ^_^ ))

This post has been edited by Ranma: Jun 10 2008, 9:34 AM


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MorriganAensland
post Jun 11 2008, 4:25 AM
Post #42


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Okay. Having hacked through this at long last while looking up more stuff on Youtube about Kinnikuman Muscle Fight and Wikipedia information about Super Robot Wars, I can commence with my previously-promised review. Keep in mind I like to follow in the footsteps of Yahtzee Croshaw and be utterly subjective, since that's what a review it supposed to be: someone's opinion.

My greatest fear right now is Lance will turn into a Gary Stu. He has enough of the ingredients of one that it's setting off warnings in my head... or at least enough to make me think wish fulfillment is going on.
1. A katana as a weapon. Not a good sign. Yes, they are sharp and they cut well and people idolize them, but that's not the problem per-se. I could understand it better if there was a justification with a little more meat on it than just "Lance likes them and asked for one." If he had past experience with using one, that'd be okay. But please, do not over-glorify the katana, because there are plenty of sword designs out there just as deadly. Like the zweihander.
2. Destiny. I dislike any story where the protagonist has some wonderfully vague destiny they will accomplish, regardless of what it is. Fate is simply a way of stripping someone of free will, and it is disappointing from a reader's standpoint since they're thinking "It's predefined already. Everything will work out." And early on, Lance gets such a vague destiny.
3. Villifying anger during said destiny-reading session. People get angry in different ways, and going berserk is the most overused one. Plenty of other people just get very quiet, very serious, and very cruel. And there are such times when said anger is perfectly justified and displaying it is to be expected, because it's something someone who is mentally healthy ought to display in a situation.
4. Dragons. Oh, my loathing of the overusage of dragons can be traced so very much to this series... and the Eragon series, which incidentally ALSO has a Gary Stu-protagonist. Krystal, at least to me, has some inspiration from Sapphira, and she certainly displays a lot of arrogance and intelligence, while at the same time being moved by Lance's iron-clad determination, and you made sure to capture the Eragon-esque element by whipping up a class of dragons capable of higher-level thought and speech and whatnot. I pray later chapters will not have him dueling villains atop their own dragons.

In regards to the actual pacing, I'm at a loss. Sometimes the pacing goes by too fast, especially in conversations, and I feel that more time ought to be spent dealing with Lance's reactions to things. So far he's been able to roll with the punches well, arguably too well. Other times, like when Helia was sketching the picture, things seemed to drag on too much. The narrative also seems too informal, and I feel that's also a problem.

Lance's magical (no pun intended) growth also leaves me dissatisfied. Yes, he is out of shape, but that is a problem that can be remedied given enough time, and his buildup of Chi will eventually override that. And where will that leave him? A guy with the dreaded and over-glorified sword, and a talking dragon. Plus, all that wonderful Chi he'll have. I can sympathize a little, after all, you're trying to write a Winx story where a young man is something more than cannon fodder; he needs to have something that gives him an edge over others. But the growth is too fast for my liking.

His love-triangle with Helia is a decent plot device, and I currently have no serious qualms with it. However, if you start making them quarrel, and Helia starts acting like a total jerkass, then I'm going to get worried.

And lastly, I dread the possibility of over-the-top Wangst in the next "season". Yes, a melancholy atmosphere helps ferment and improve many a story, but many more a story go overboard... and it just gets Narmy.

What I have written in this post is a far cry from other responses you've gotten, and I understand that. However, I've done a lot of writing, and it's a policy of mine to strive to constantly surpass myself and help others do the same. A bunch of good reviews is nowhere near as beneficial as a single one dripping with constructive criticism from every pore. It would be fair for me to admit I also frequent TVtropes.org, and to an extent, it HAS spoiled my life (a warning listed on the homepage). I'm not saying this story is utter crap; after all, I felt no desire to rip my eyes out and sacrifice them to the heathen gods so as to remove the memories of this story and the grammar was usually correct except for the occasional unfixed typo, a vice of mine as well... so I'm not going to judge you for that.

In my opinion, is salvaging this going to be hard? Maybe. Depends on how hard you want to. It's not perfect, but then again... who is? Well, except for Columbo and Elzam Braunstein.


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Ranma
post Jun 11 2008, 5:01 AM
Post #43


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((Yo, Morrigan, thanks for the input. I don't mind your honest review at all. I want to explain a few things that you mentioned. Because a lot of it seemed to be fear for future plot devices and not things that are happening yet.

Lance will not become a cliche Gary Stu character. I'm doing my best to make him 'not perfect.' He will always have character flaws, and though he will become strong by the end of the series, I always give my characters weaknesses...real weaknesses, not the green rock weaknesses that DC seems to enjoy over using.

1. A katana as a weapon. Not a good sign. Yes, they are sharp and they cut well and people idolize them, but that's not the problem per-se. I could understand it better if there was a justification with a little more meat on it than just "Lance likes them and asked for one." If he had past experience with using one, that'd be okay. But please, do not over-glorify the katana, because there are plenty of sword designs out there just as deadly. Like the zweihander.
Lance does have experience with the Katana. He has taken martial arts in the past before going to Red Fountain. Actually, most of his growth is due to his past experience with the martial arts. Basically he was in shape, got out of shape, and is getting back in shape at a fast rate because he knows how to train himself.

2. Destiny. I dislike any story where the protagonist has some wonderfully vague destiny they will accomplish, regardless of what it is. Fate is simply a way of stripping someone of free will, and it is disappointing from a reader's standpoint since they're thinking "It's predefined already. Everything will work out." And early on, Lance gets such a vague destiny.
This story is actually about making your own path in life. Other people will speak of destiny, but Lance isn't Bloom. He isn't some special ruler of a dead kingdom with hidden power locked away. Everything Lance gets he earns.

3. Villifying anger during said destiny-reading session. People get angry in different ways, and going berserk is the most overused one. Plenty of other people just get very quiet, very serious, and very cruel. And there are such times when said anger is perfectly justified and displaying it is to be expected, because it's something someone who is mentally healthy ought to display in a situation.
Anger and Lance goes hand in hand. It hasn't been stated yet, but Lance does have an anger problem. He's usually docile, but some times the stupidest things will set him off. This will become important later on. Especially in season 3.

4. Dragons. Oh, my loathing of the overusage of dragons can be traced so very much to this series...
Krystal is an important character required for Lance to grow. However, he doesn't rely on her that much. She's not even in season 3.

As for the pacing of the story. I know you haven't read my other works, so you only have this to go by...but this is my first time writing something like this in this style. I'm trying to make it semi-novel semi-episode. So I agree with you fully on this aspect of the story. I guess you can say that I haven't found the proper pace for this writing style yet.

Lance's magical (no pun intended) growth also leaves me dissatisfied. Yes, he is out of shape, but that is a problem that can be remedied given enough time, and his buildup of Chi will eventually override that. And where will that leave him? A guy with the dreaded and over-glorified sword, and a talking dragon. Plus, all that wonderful Chi he'll have. I can sympathize a little, after all, you're trying to write a Winx story where a young man is something more than cannon fodder; he needs to have something that gives him an edge over others. But the growth is too fast for my liking.

Like I said before, his magical growth is due to his past in martial arts. He's about to hit a wall in his training. Also, Lance won't gain the ability to use his chi for quite some time. I'm trying to pace his training to be a bit believable. Lance is an adaptable person, that is his strength. However, unlike characters like Bloom, he won't gain a new power if he is losing a fight.

As for the Lance/Helia rivalry. I don't intend to change Helia's personality for my fanfic. I'm trying to keep the original characters in tact.

As for the typos...I write these chapters very quickly, usually when I'm in class. If you wish I can give you something that I've actually taken my time on. I'd hate for this story to be the gauge for my writing talent ^_^
I like this story, but I don't have the time to write it like a novel, thus the novel/episode format.

Anyway, thanks for the review, and I'll take your worries into consideration when writing my next chapter. I'll try to fix the pacing, but since I write these in class most of the time...yeah... ^_^ ))

This post has been edited by Ranma: Jan 20 2012, 7:13 AM


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Ranma
post Jun 11 2008, 12:15 PM
Post #44


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Theme song:(Subject to change.) Wondering - Good Charlotte. http://youtube.com/watch?v=fjdo6UBuh4g

Episode 8: Ouch

*Fade In*

Today's episode starts some time after the attack on the school. Lance was healed and ready to take on whatever challenges Redfountain gave him. He was locked in deadly combat with a foe that no one expected him to beat. The name of the game: chess, the foe: Timmy. Oh, how Lance was wracking his brain trying to figure out how in the magical realms he was going to defeat the giant brain that sat across with him. Timmy was usually a quiet fellow, shy and kind of nerdy, but now...now Timmy was large and in charge! He sported a grin fiercer than anything Riven could muster, and Lance knew that Timmy was going to decimate him.

"Check." Timmy said, moving his queen in a position, parallel to Lance's king.

"Redo!" Lance whined.

"No redos. Make your move." Timmy commanded.

Lance looked at the entire bored. He only had four pongs, one knight, a rook, and his king left on the board. Timmy mercilessly murdered his queen and had his bishops assassinated. Timmy was a cruel tactician indeed. Lance picked up his knight and began to move it in a position that would block Timmy's queen. Lance quickly moved the piece back into its previous position after he saw Timmy's grin grow larger. Afterwards he quickly took the king and moved it backwards. Timmy moved his rook up to meet Lance's king.

"Checkmate!" Timmy cheered.

"This game has lasted two hours. My brain is mush!" Lance complained.

"That's why I don't play with him anymore." Riven said. "He drags it out on purpose so he can play longer!"

"But it gets boring when the games only last two minutes." Timmy stated. It was true, nobody in the group could match Timmy's wit and intellect.

"So I guess drinks are on me." Lance said. "I should have known that I couldn't beat him."

"Forget that for now." Riven said, changing the subject. "Did you catch Sky the other day? He got stuck in the elevator. It was hilarious!"

"Really? That sucks! How'd he get out?" Lance asked.

"It just started working again. It was just a minor malfunction." Timmy said as he adjusted his glasses while leaning back in his chair.

"He's been on edge lately. He seems to be worried about his relationship with Bloom. Is having a girl friend really that difficult?" Lance asked.

"Nah, it's easy. Sky's just a nerd that's too scared to tell the girl he likes that he likes her!" Riven mocked. "What a loser! What? ..."

Riven was thrown off by Lance and Timmy's cold stares. They suffered from the same problem and often envied Sky for even having a girlfriend. Sure, Timmy had Tecna, but it still wasn't official, and at the rate Timmy was moving in the relationship he would be an old man before he confessed his feelings.

"I was just kidding." Riven said. "He's not a nerd."

The stares intensified.

*Fade Out*
*Fade In*


Some time later, Krystal watched lance work out in the dragon stables. He usually came there to train himself. He found it soothing to be around Krystal. As much as she enjoyed making him feel uneasy, he could always openly talk to her about anything. He didn't know if it was because of their mental bond, or if it was because she was a dragon and didn't feel shy telling someone of another species his secrets. Either way, Krystal was always there for him.

"CRY ME A RIVER LANCE." Krystal said. She was always there for him, but sometimes she was rather harsh. "OH, LOOK AT ME. I HAVE A CRUSH ON A GIRL THAT'S WAY OUT OF MY LEAGUE AND I CAN'T CONFESS. MY BETTER LOOKING FRIEND HAS A CRUSH ON THE SAME GIRL AND ISN'T NEARLY AS SHY AS ME. OH, WOE AS ME, WOE AS ME!"

"Wow. A little support would be nice!" Lance yelled. He was in the middle of doing his one hundredth sit-up.

"SORRY, WAS THAT TOO OVER THE TOP?" Krystal asked with mock sincerity.

"Just a little..."

"I'M SERIOUS THOUGH. WHY ARE YOU SO SCARED? ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SAY 'FLORA, I LIKE YOU,' OR 'FLORA, BE MY WOMAN!' TAKE YOUR PICK."

"I couldn't say that! And could you please keep your voice down! What if somebody hears you?" Lance asked in a hushed tone.

"I CAN HELP YOU PRACTICE IF YOU WANT." Krystal offered. "I'LL PLAY THE ROLE OF FLORA, AND YOU CAN BE YOU!"

"No, that would be weird." Lance said. He finished with his sit ups and reached over for a bottle of water that he had brought with him to the stables.

"I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO SCARED THOUGH. YOU KICKED AN EXTINCT BEAST FROM THE NEATHER REALM IN THE FACE TO SAVE HER! IF THAT DOESN'T GET YOU A DATE I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL!"

"Ah, but after kicking the stupid thing in the face I, in a very unmanly fashion, fell to the ground in pain and agony only to have Helia pull me out of the fight and hoist me over his shoulders like a spoiled sack of potatoes." Lance argued.

"THAT WAS FUNNY." Krystal chuckled.

"Yeah, I bet it was." Lance sighed.

"And I believe you'd win that bet. It was hilarious!" Helia said as he entered the stables.

"How long have you been there?" Lance asked. He didn't want Helia to hear him talking about his feelings for Flora. It would feel weird.

"Since about 'after kicking the stupid thing in the face..." Helia answered.

"Yeah, looking back I'm sure I could have done something smarter." Lance said.

"There were a lot of things you could have done, but your reputation in the school has deffinitely gone up since that day. To quote a random freshman, 'that is the manliest thing I have ever seen.'"

"Heh, I guess you could consider..." Lance was cut off by a loud "boom" sound followed by an equally loud "crash!"

"What was that?" Helia asked.

"IT SOUNDS LIKE WE'RE UNDER ATTACK. I JUST HEARD A WHISTLING SOUND BEFORE THE CRASH. LIKE A LASER WAS FIRED OR SOMETHING..." Krystal explained.

"Let's check it out." Lance said.

Just as the boys left the stable Codatorta explained on a loud speaker that the school was being attacked by a mayhem globe.

*Fade Out*
*Fade In*


Bloom, Flora, and Tecna were making their way towards Redfountain. They had seen the mayhem globe firing on the school and they wanted to know if there was anything they could do to help.

"Tecna, how does a mayhem globe work?" Bloom asked. She had heard Tecna call the magic floating ball by that name.

"It's basically a ball of distorted magical energy. It attacks at random to try and find holes in a structure's defense, and once it finds one it enters the structure and self destructs!" Tecna answered.

"That's really bad! How long does it usually take." Flora asked, worried that the mayhem ball was close to the self destruction stage.

"It depends. The Redfountain boys should be able to hold it off long enough for us to get there." Tecna replied. That was her way of saying that she didn't know.

"Hey, it's Lance and Helia." Flora said, pointing to the two boys running towards Redfountain's control tower.

"Hey!" Bloom yelled, trying to get their attention. "Over here!"

At first it seemed as thought the two boys didn't hear them, but Helia stopped Lance and pointed in the direction he heard Bloom calling from. Upon realization on who it was, the two boys ran to the girls right away.

"What are you three doing here?" Lance asked.

"I was asked to come here by Sky yesterday. What's going on?" Bloom answered.

"We don't know yet." Helia responded. "We were just hanging out in the dragon stables, and then the next thing we knew we were attacked."

"Codatorta said on the loud speaker that it was a mayhem globe." Lance added, though he wasn't quite sure what a mayhem globe was. "We were headed to the control tower to see if there was anything we could do to help. Wanna come?"

The girls nodded. "Sure!" Bloom said.

*Fade Out*
*Fade In*


As soon as Lance and the others made it out of the elevator to the top of the control tower Helia stepped out and made the introduction.

"Codatorta. Bloom, Flora, and Tecna are here. I thought they could help." He said.

"Yeah, for sure!" Timmy exclaimed as he looked back to face Helia and the others.

"Here's the situation!" Codatorta began. "We don't know who sent this thing, but we have to keep it away from the school!"

"Codatorta!" A message sounded through the intercom. "The globe is leaving the immediate area! Should we follow it?"

"Yes!" Codatorta commanded. "Go after it! Junior squad go get that globe!"

Shortly after that command was sent through, Timmy saw a blip on his screen.

"Hey, someone's broken into the north wing!" He said.

"There is a direct path from there to the baratoss chamber! We can't let them get to the codex!" Codatorta declared.

The group immediately turned around to leave. Tecna stopped and said. "I'll see you later. Be careful okay..." in hopes of getting a heart felt response back from Timmy.

Timmy responded with. "You too, Tecna. Be careful." He was too busy with his work to give a heart felt confession at the time, and Tecna seemed a bit dissapointed.

Just as Sky entered the command center. Lance took note of Bloom and Sky's uneasiness when they saw eachother, but Riven snapped them out of it.

"We've got to go and protect the codex." He said.

"I'll go with you guys." Sky said.

And with that, they went down the elevator to head towards the Baratoss chamber. Lance was once again amazed with his groups team work. Usually Riven and Brandon were at eachother's throats, but when in combat they were perfectly in sync! Brandon tossed Riven his sword, and Riven caught it without even questioning as to why Brandon had his sword in the first place! The witches Icy, Darcey, and Stormy were spotted and Riven broke away from the group with another Redfountain student to chase after them. Everything was happening so fast, but he knew that if he kept his head in the game he could keep up. He's been training more than anyone else since the beginning of the school year. He wouldn't let that training go to waste.

"Oh, no!" Lance yelled when he saw Riven's unconscious body. Sky stopped immediately and contacted Brandon using a communicator.

"Brandon, the witches are heading towards the Baratoss chamber, you have to get there!" He yelled.

"I'm on it!" Lance heard through the communicator.

"Who are those witches?" Lance asked.

"Come on!" Sky said as he started to run towards the Baratoss chamber. "I'll explain on the way there!"

Lance caught up with the group as they made their way to the chamber. "So, who are they?"

"Those witches have been trying to get us since the beginning of last year!" Bloom answered. "They want to rule the universe!"

"They tried stealing Blooms power last year, and rose an evil army. They completely destroyed Redfountain! That's why we got that new arena and everything." Sky added.

"We made our last stand at Alfea." Flora said.

"And we defeated them at Alfea! They were banished to another realm but somehow made their way back!" Tecna finished.

"I see, so this is a grudge thing." Lance concluded.

"More or less." Bloom said.

They finally arrived at the Baratoss chamber, and Brandon was doing his best to hold them off. Considering that it was three against one he was doing well.

"Stop!" Sky commanded as the group ran in.

"Awe, it's my favorite fairy." Icy mocked.

"Come on girls!" Bloom yelled. "Lets go get'em!" And on command the girls transformed into their fairy forms.

"Alright, Stormy." Icy said as she and Darcey headed to another location. "Go ahead and show them your new powers!"

Lance and the group prepared for the worst, and Tecna took the initiative to attack Stormy with a magic attack that looked like green electricity being shot out from her hands. Stormy dodged and retaliated with another attack as she said, "Watch and learn!" The attack missed everyone, but the shock-wave knocked everyone to the ground.

Helia was the first one to his feet and made an attempt to entangle the witch with his laser whip, but the evil witch dodged and followed her friends. "Nice try! Ha ha!"

"Guys, she's heading to the basement!" Helia yelled running towards the downed Tecna. Even though the attack technically missed, she took a hard hit. "Are you okay?" he asked as he helped her up.

"Come on!" Sky ordered as they took chase.

"Hey, does Helia go to Redfountain now?" Flora asked.

"Yeah, Saladine got him to transfer in!" Lance answered. He knew that he really transferred because of Flora, but he didn't know if he should reveal that or not.

the group ran a short distance before coming to an elevator. "Here we are!" Sky said as he pried the door open. The elevator wasn't there, it was just an empty shaft. "This is my shortcut."

The group slid down the wire holding the elevator to reach the basement floor. The guys did anyway, the girls just flew down. Lance had to admit, he wished that he had a pair of wings to make his life a bit easier.

"She's down there!" Sky yelled as Stormy made her way through the Baratoss chamber.

"Come on, lets get her!" Flora said as she charged up a magic spell. "Venus blast!" She yelled as she fired the attack.

"Lightning rage!" Stormy shouted as she fired a lightning attack that completely decimated Flora's and made its way towards the nature loving fairy.

"Watch out!" Lance yelled as he jumped in front of the attack. With a grunt he was flung into the wall. When everyone's attention was on Lance Stormy ran away.

"Are you okay?" Bloom asked.

"Yeah, just go after her! I'll catch up!" Lance yelled. He didn't want to slow down the group. If he could help Flora he was happy.

"Alright, lets go and stop them!" Bloom said. The group left Lance behind as they headed towards the witches.

"Do you really think that Lance is okay?" Flora asked. She felt guilty that Lance got hurt to help her.

"Lance takes more hits and punishment than anyone at Redfountain. He'll be fine!" Sky said. He winced after saying it though. He meant to make Lance look good, but instead he kind of brought about the opposite effect.

Lance struggled to get up. Everyone had left, but he could still catch up if he hurried. That attack hurt, but if there was one thing he was accustomed to, it was pain.

*Fade Out*
*Fade In*


Lance ran towards the group as quickly as he could. Timmy must have taken a different route to the room, because when Lance arrived Timmy was there. However, whether or not Timmy was there didn't matter. Lance saw Sky get hit by one of Icy's attacks as she yelled "Full force blast!" and Sky was out like a light.

"Icy, you just put that boy in a hundred year sleep." Darcy said.

"Minimum." Icy bragged.

"What?" Lance shouted. "No way!"

"You're still awake?" Darcey asked.

Lance didn't answer though. He ran towards the witches and attempted to deliver a fierce jump side kick into Icy's face. Usually Lance didn't like hitting girls, but he was angry. With a loud battle cry he fed his fury and prepared to make contact. However, he was blind sided by Stormy who pelted him with another electric shock. He smashed into another wall and slumped to the ground, barely keeping consciousness in his disoriented state.

"That kid doesn't know when to give up." Stormy said.

Icy turned and looked at a scale in the room. "Hmmmm, this is going to take some figuring out." she said. It obviously had a riddle on it. "Put a non-aggression spell on them Darcey. I don't want them disturbing my concentration."

Darcey did as she was told and cast the spell as Icy continued to look at the scale.

When Lance was finally conscious enough to understand what was going on Bloom was trying to wake up Sky, Tecna was still having trouble standing, and Timmy had a gun pulled on the witches.

"Don't bother." Icy said as she walked up a staircase that wasn't there the last time Lance checked. "We put a non-aggression spell on you."

"Don't listen to them!" Tecna yelled.

"I'm trying Tec!" Timmy yelled. He was afraid. He couldn't pull the trigger and Icy and the others were getting close.

"You can't fire that thing. Try it, try to pull the trigger!" Icy continued as she prepared to pelt Timmy with an ice blast.

Timmy shakily lowered his gun as Icy laughed at him.

"Hehe, pathetic. Oh, and thanks for the codex. Bloom, you might as well dump Sky. He's going to be asleep for a hundred years at-AH!" Icy was cut off as Lance delivered a powerful kick into the side of Icy's head. She dropped the codex at Lance's feet, but he didn't pay it any attention.

"Shut-up!" Lance said in a firm tone. His eyes were locked on the witches.

"But how? You're under my non-aggression spell!" Darcey shouted.

"Really? 'Cause I'm feeling pretty aggressive right now!" Lance yelled as he clenched his hands into tight fists. His knuckles turned white his fists were clenched so hard.

"Stormy, grab Icy! We're getting out of here!" Darcey yelled.

"Right!" Stormy said as she picked up the downed Icy.

Lance ran towards Darcey, but just as he was about to punch she split herself into two people. One continued to fight the enraged Lance and the other one grabbed the codex. Lance continued to fight for a short while before he was pelted by one of Darcey's magic attacks and they escaped.

"Darn it!" He yelled. "Bloom, how's Sky!"

"He doesn't have a pulse!" Flora answered for her.

"This cannot be happening! I am not going to let him go!" Bloom said, determined to keep Sky in the land of the living. Sky's head was resting in her lap as she held his face. "Wake up Sky! I need you, I really, really do!"

Bloom began to cry. She was at a complete loss at what to do. Lance's anger continued to build. He felt completely and utterly useless. What was the use of getting stronger if he couldn't protect his friends?

"Please Sky..." Bloom cried as her power enveloped him. Her hair began to float upwards in resonance with her power. "Come back to me."

Sky gasped as his eyes snapped open.

"You saved him Bloom!" Timmy cheered.

"Thank goodness Sky, we thought we lost you!" Flora said.

"Man, don't worry me like that." Lance said as the anger left him. Unfortunately, so did the adrenaline that kept him standing and he slumped to the ground, exhausted. Bloom was also exhausted due to using her power in such a unique way and slumped to the ground as well.

"Bloom!" Sky said, worried for his love's health. She shakily got up and threw herself on him wrapping him in a loving hug. "You're awesome! Will you be my girlfriend?" He asked.

"Of course I will." Bloom answered, relieved that Sky was alright.

"Well, at least one of us gets a happy ending." Lance thought as he lay flat on his back, staring at the ceiling.

"Lance?" Flora asked, trying to get his attention.

"Hm?" He responded. He was too tired to form full words at the moment.

"Are you alright. You were initially hurt because of me..." Flora said, feeling guilty that he might have been able to come out of this in less of a beat up condition if it weren't for her.

"Nah, don't worry about it. The first hit just knocked the air out of me for a bit. It was that long haired one that did this to me, not the one with the frizzy hair..." Lance said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'll be okay. It isn't your fault." Lance reassured her.

"I'm glad! If you want I can make you a potion that will speed up your healing. It's made with all natural ingredients!" Flora smiled.

"Thank you, I'd like that." Lance said with a smile. At least, he thought he was smiling. He was so drained, he didn't know what kind of face he was making.

*Fade Out*
*Fade In*


Darcey and Stormy flew away from Redfountain and Icy finally woke up.

"What hit me?" Icy asked.

"It was that kid from before!" Stormy answered.

"What's the deal Darcey? I thought he was under your non-aggression spell!"

"Hey, don't look at me! I cast the spell! It just didn't work on him for some reason!" Darcey shot back.

"Hmph, why didn't the spell work?" Icy asked no one in particular.

"Maybe he was wearing a charm or something." Stormy suggested.

"One things for sure. Next time I see him, I'm going to kill him!" Icy said with venom dripping from her voice.

*Fade Out*

End of episode 8
Ending theme song: This day and age - Second place victory http://youtube.com/watch?v=YivbujnAo5g



((Looks up. I'm sorry, I reread your post [the part about the dragon]. And I do want to make one thing perfectly clear. I hate Eragon with a passion. Yes, I saw the movie, no I did not like it. So no inspiration from Krystal was taken from any character in that book or movie (I haven't read the book). I don't even remember the characters' names... So please, don't worry about links to Eragon. I didn't like the movie, I thought it was cliche to the highest degree with no amount of true imagination put into it.))

This post has been edited by Ranma: Jan 18 2012, 4:34 AM


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Jahnavi
post Jun 14 2008, 10:08 AM
Post #45


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Great chapter! You wrote out the fighting scenes pretty well (that's a skill I'm yet to master).

Oh, if you're interested, check out this URL:

http://magixclub.com/forums/index.php?show...mp;#entry130508

That's a page of the topic Winx Club Season 4. If you want to, view the video that I put up in post #302. It's the RAI English version of the end of the episode you based Chapter 8 on. A few of the scenarios are a bit different in that version, and I just thought you might like to view it.


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"We read to know that we are not alone." - C. S. Lewis
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Ranma
post Jun 14 2008, 10:58 AM
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((I looked up the vid. 4kids' ability to hack a scene to pieces and make it look like it was supposed to be that way never ceases to amaze me.))


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angel123
post Apr 23 2009, 3:54 AM
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(lol, i love this thing, when are you gonna make another one, i spent almost all day reading this thing, they are long but very exelent,)


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Thanx jah, i love it ^_^
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Jahnavi
post Apr 23 2009, 8:12 AM
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Yay, welcome to the Dreamer fan-club, Angel! ^^


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Ranma
post Jun 1 2009, 10:13 PM
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((I actually plan on continuing it very very soon. ^_^ Thanks for the support guys. It makes me want to work faster! ))


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Jahnavi
post Jun 2 2009, 3:49 PM
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*Blinkblink* Dreamer's going to be continued again soon...?

ZOMG! Dreamer's going to be continued again soon! (It took a sec for that to kick in, hehe...)

I'm so glad you're going to continue; I can't wait to read more! ^^


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Anna Maria
post Jun 2 2009, 5:09 PM
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Hey, I read it all today; it's great. Can't wait for the next part. icon_biggrin.gif


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Hyourinmaru
post Jul 8 2009, 4:04 AM
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This is a nice story. Please continue!


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Ranma
post Mar 1 2010, 9:32 AM
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Theme song:(Subject to change.) Wondering - Good Charlotte. http://youtube.com/watch?v=fjdo6UBuh4g

Episode 8: Mortification

*Fade In*

It has been two weeks since the last attack on Redfountain. Lance had not seen much excitement since then and took his time to heal up. The potion that Flora had made him did an amazing job, and he was actually enjoying having a bit of down time. Life was good for the most part, and it was somewhat nice getting some attention from Flora. However, his wounds healed and he no long had any need for her all-natural healing potions.

To make matters worse, he finally hit a wall with his training. From the time he entered Redfountain all the way up to the point where the witches attacked he made steady progress when it came to improving himself. Every day he could just feel himself getting stronger. Not only stronger, but he had gotten faster as well. Getting help from Krystal definitely gave him an advantage over the other students, but to be honest, not many other than his closest friends trained outside of class.

“What am I going to do now? I’m not getting any stronger.” Lance thought aloud when he was hanging out in Krystal’s stable. He was beginning to get worried. No matter how much he trained, he just did not see any improvement anymore. Albeit, at this point and time, he was ranked pretty high in his class. However, he still felt that he needed a bit of a push if he wanted to consider himself to be in the same league as Sky and the others. He still wanted to know how a bookworm like Timmy got all of those muscles. In that respect, he still looked rather skinny.

“MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRAIN.” Krystal answered.

“And I haven’t really made any progress with Flora.” Lance thought aloud once more. Shortly after his face turned bright red and he formed something of a quirky smile on his face. It would seem that the boy was nothing more than a walking ball of stress. Whether he was doing it on purpose or not, Krystal did not know, but Lance was forcing her to listen to all of his worries as he sighed and mumbled to himself.

“MAYBE…YOU SHOULD TRAIN.” Krystal answered again. This time she sighed as well. Helping Lance get stronger was one thing, but helping him with his love life was a completely different story. She wanted to give Lance encouragement, but it was not as if she had a studly dragon fawning over her or anything. Actually, she wasn’t interested in dating at all. Perhaps it was just a human thing that she would never understand.

“I’m sorry, did you say something?” Lance asked. Again, Krystal didn’t know if he was doing it on purpose or not. Ignoring a dragon was hard. Perhaps he was just getting too used to her. That saddened poor Krystal a bit.

“YES, I DID.” Krystal said with another sigh.

“Sorry, I wasn’t really paying attention.” Lance laughed. His face was still quite red from whatever it was he was daydreaming about earlier on. “Can you repeat it again?”

“TRAIN. WHEN YOU FEEL THAT YOU ARE NOT STRONG ENOUGH, TRAIN. WHEN YOU FEEL THAT YOU DON’T HAVE THE COURAGE TO FACE A LOVED ONE, TRAIN.” Krystal said with full confidence. It would have been quite inspiring if it were not for the fact that she had completely lost Lance with her last sentence.

“What does training have to do with dating?” Lance asked. Day by day, his feelings for Flora grew stronger. Even though he was able to run into any battle headstrong, he still shied away from telling her how he really felt.

“WELL, IF YOU DON’T HAVE THE COURAGE TO TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL IN PERSON,” Krystal started. In truth, she had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, but she was a dragon and Lance was an idiot. “THEN YOU SHOULD FIND A REALLY TALL MOUNTAIN OR SOMETHING AND SCREAM YOUR TRUE FEELINGS FROM THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS. AT THE VERY LEAST IT’S A STRESS RELIEVER.”

“Do you really think it would work?” Lance asked.

“AT THE VERY LEAST YOU’LL GET SOME TRAINING IN. YOU’LL BE KILLING TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE.” Krystal answered with a nod. “AND TAKE ME WITH YOU. IT’S GETTING CRAMPED IN HERE.”

“Well, I do think that I need to up the intensity in my training, so it couldn’t hurt.” Lance thought aloud. “I’ll probably have to ask Codatorta for permission though, and that’s a hassle.”

“WOMEN DON’T LIKE LAZY BUMS!” Krystal humphed. It was actually quite a cute gesture. At least as cute as a dragon could get. She let out a pout and turned her head away from Lance, but she managed to look at him out of the corner of her eyes now and then to see if he was reacting.

“Fine.” Lance laughed. “I’ll ask.”

“GOOD.”

*Fade Out*
*Fade In*


“Oh, darn.” Flora said in a somewhat upset tone as she rummaged through her cabinet of herbs and potions. “I’m out of kiku root.”

“Kiku root?” Bloom asked. “Isn’t that used in a lot of healing potions? I’m surprised; I’d think that you’d have a lot in storage.”

“I did.” Flora said. “But I used up my entire supply making healing potions. Lance seems to be in the habit of getting himself injured. I seriously think he’s accident-prone.”

Bloom chuckled a bit. For some reason it seemed odd to hear Flora complain about someone being accident-prone. Especially since Flora also seemed to suffer from being accident-prone. Perhaps it was something that Flora wasn’t exactly aware of.

“What’s so funny?” Flora asked. “I feel bad for him.”


“No, it’s nothing.” Bloom chuckled out. Flora’s response made it even funnier. “Don’t worry about it. So, how do you usually go about getting your kiku root?”

“I usually go to the forest and get it myself. It’s better fresh.” Flora smiled. “And it is such a nice day out today.”

“So you’re going to go today?” Bloom asked.

“Sure, No time like the present! Do you want to come with me?” Flora asked. She would love the company. Usually she went on her little hiking trips by herself.

“I’m sorry. I kind of need to study. My grades are…lacking.” Bloom lied. In truth, she just didn't want to go with Flora. Flora may have fun hiking through the woods hours on end, but she did not.

“That’s a shame. It’s really fun.” Flora smiled as she left to get her hiking gear out of the closet.

*Fade Out*
*Fade In*


Lance finally arrived at the forest that Krystal chose for his training session. Krystal, however, did not believe that it would do him any good to start at the beginning of the forest and work his way in, so she flew somewhere over the thick of the forest, spun around, and shook Lance off. Lance, to his dismay, plummeted to his doom. Fortunately, for him, he landed atop a large, bushy tree.

“What the heck was that for?” Lance yelled as he shook his fist at Krystal. “That hurt you know! I got a scratch on my elbow thanks to you!”

“A SCRATCH ON YOUR ARM?” Krystal chuckled. “IN THAT CASE YOU SHOULD THANK ME! NOW YOU CAN ASK FLORA TO PATCH YOU UP AGAIN!”

“Sh-shut up!” Lance stuttered. “A-any way, what’s today’s goal?”

“I COULD HAVE SWORN THAT I EXPLAINED THAT ALREADY!” Krystal said. “IN THIS FOREST THERE’S A MOUNTAIN. FIND THAT MOUNTAIN AND SHOUT OUT YOUR TRUE FEELINGS AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS! IT WON’T BE EASY! THERE ARE MONSTERS OUT THERE!”

“Figures,” Lance muttered. “Now I gotta get down from this tree.”

“I’LL MEET YOU THERE. IT WON’T BE TRAINING IF YOU HAVE A DRAGON HELPING YOU!” Krystal said before flying off towards the mountain.

Lance sighed. It was hard enough getting Codatorta’s permission to go into the forest, but it was even harder to get permission for Krystal. Lance silently wondered if Krystal realized how much he did for her. It was not easy keeping a dragon at Redfountain. He had to do many extra chores around the school so that he could earn Krystal’s keep. Krystal may be an all-powerful omni-dragon, but she was extremely lazy, and work bored her.

“I guess I should find a way to get down from here.” Lance said as he started to make his way down the tree. Lance had to admit, for all of his complaining, the tree was extremely easy to climb. It had branches extending all of the way to about halfway up the tree’s trunk. Once Lance made his way to the final branch, it was more than easy enough to jump down the rest of the way from that point. Well, it was more than easy enough to jump at this point in his life; if he tried to jump a month ago, he would probably break both his legs.

“Okay, that wasn’t so bad.” Lance said to himself. “I really need to stop talking to myself. I wonder why I do that…Oh, yeah, I hate uncomfortable silences.”

Lance grinned sheepishly as he walked off in the direction that he saw Krystal fly. It would seem, however, that the forest hated him, and a wild plant of some sort attacked him as soon as he took three steps away from the tree. Our young hero was now upside down and found himself dangled by his legs.

“This sucks.” He yelled as he reached for his sword and cut himself free. As soon as his body hit the ground, he sprung back to his feet to see if there were any more threats in the immediate area. Unfortunately, for Lance, the plant that had grabbed him earlier was a man-eating plant. Lance was actually tempted to run, but he remembered that this was supposed to be training, and if he spent his entire time running, he would only get better at retreating from the battlefield. Therefore, Lance tightened his grip on his sword and ran headstrong into battle.

The battle lasted all but ten seconds. The plant made an attempt to stop Lance’s rush, but in the end it was hard to stand up against his sword. Lance cut the poor plant up like a weed whacker cuts through foliage. Lance had to laugh a little. He was actually going to run away from the thing. He actually felt somewhat bad for killing it. That was until he found himself upside down again.

“This…sucks…”

*Fade Out*
*Fade In*


Sky leaned back in his chair as he gazed at a picture of Bloom. For the most part the days were quiet, and with Lance gone for the day, things were even quieter. He did not mind, it was nice to have some peace and quiet for a change. At least, things were quiet until he heard a knock at his door.

“Come in!” He called. “It’s unlocked.”

“Hey, how are you doing today?” Helia asked as he entered the room. He was getting quite comfortable around Sky and the others. He saw them often enough since Lance was always hanging around them, and whenever something interesting happened around the school Sky and his gang seemed to be at the center of it.

“I’m doing okay. I’m enjoying the R&R” Sky said as he sat up straight in his chair. He still didn’t know Helia well enough to show his slob-ish side in front of him. “So, what brings you here today?”

“I’m looking for Lance.” Helia said as he crossed his arms. “I wanted to know if he would like to hang out today, but he hasn’t been answering his phone.”

“Ah, that’s probably because his phone is on silence and sitting on his bed.” Sky said as he looked to Lance’s bed and pointed to emphasize his point. “Getting a hold of him isn’t going to be easy.”

“So you don’t know where he is?” Helia asked.

“Nope.” Sky answered. “I just know that he went with Krystal to train. She told him that phones were annoying so he left it.”

“Do you know when he’s going to get back?” Helia asked as he uncrossed his arms. It wasn’t as though he was starving for attention or anything, but Helia didn't have much to do around Redfountain aside from draw and write love poems for Flora. He had already done both and was running out of things to do.

“Sorry Helia, but I don’t have a clue.” Sky said with a somewhat apologetic look in his eyes. “Lance is…well, Lance is an odd one. Sometimes he’ll disappear for hours on end and come back whenever he’s too tired to move. We were actually pretty relieved when he was forced to take it easy after he got injured. He’s going to burn his body out if he keeps going at the rate that he has been training at lately. He seems pretty determined to catch up with us.”

“From what I’ve seen he already has.” Helia said as he cocked one of his eyebrows. Helia liked Lance; he was the first friend that Helia made at Redfountain and he had a high impression of him.

“I know.” Sky said. “At least, physically he is, but he’s not used to the whole ‘specialist’ thing yet. Brandon, Riven, Timmy, and I have been fighting alongside each other for a long time. He shouldn’t expect to catch on to our wavelength in such a short time. He also seems pretty self conscious about his body’s build.”

Helia sighed a bit when he heard that Lance was self-conscious of his sleek body frame. It was true that most of the Redfountain students had extremely well built bodies, but some people just had bodies that were more…compact. Helia brought his palm up to his face and pinched the bridge of his nose as he imagined his friend training hours on end for a body he would never have through natural means.

“I think we need to have a serious talk with Lance when he gets back.” Helia said. “That isn’t healthy.”

“Yeah, I know. We’ve been doing our best to keep him from training too much, and he seems to listen to Krystal, but she’s a slave driver when it comes to his training. I think it’s her fault!” Sky practically yelled. To be honest, he was worried about Lance. However, it was not as though he had the authority to tell Lance how much he could train.

“And that’s not the only problem that guy has. He’s so got it bad for that Flora chick.” Riven said as he entered the room. It would seem that he knew what Helia and Sky were talking about, and decided to interject himself into the conversation.

“Riven!” Sky yelled. Sky purposely did not mention Lance’s interest in Flora because he was trying to be mindful of both Lance’s and Helia’s position. It was obvious that Helia had feelings for Flora, and he did not want to put any unneeded strain on Lance and Helia’s friendship.

“What?” Riven asked. “It’s obvious that he’s head over heels for the girl! I mean he…oh…” Riven stopped mid sentence when he realized what he had done. He only meant to poke a little fun at Lance, but it would seem that his foot-in-mouth syndrome got the best of him again.

“Don’t worry about it.” Helia said in a surprisingly calm tone. “Lance and I are fully aware of our feelings for Flora. We’ve decided to remain friends regardless.”

“You say that now.” Riven said. “But countries have gone to war over girls pal. I know you’re supposed to be a pacifist, but…”

“I assure you. I don’t plan to lose to Lance.” Helia grinned. “But if Flora does wind up with him I’ll continue to be his friend, and I’ll support him just the same.”

“Wow, I’ve got to say that I respect that.” Sky said. “I don’t think I’d be so calm about it if someone tried going after Bloom.”

“Like I said, I don’t plan to lose.” Helia shrugged. “Don’t get me wrong. Lance is a great person, but he’s too shy. I don’t want to be mean, but I don’t think he’ll ever be able to confess to her.”

Riven and Sky nodded in unison after Helia commented on Lance’s shyness. It was painfully obvious that confidence in himself was not one of Lance’s strong points. He was painfully shy, and to make matters worse, he was in love with a girl that he himself considered to be out of his league. Even Timmy had better luck carrying out a full conversation with Tecna than Lance had with Flora.

“We won’t argue with you there.” Riven said to break the small silence that started after Helia mentioned Lance’s fatal flaw.

“But all the same,” Helia began with a full-blown smile. “I don’t think he’s without hope. He does show his love in his own way. I write poems, he kicks giant monsters in the face.”

“Yeah,” Sky laughed. “I wonder what hurt more. Kicking the monster or hitting the ground after gravity took effect.” All three boys began to laugh at poor Lance’s expense. They all considered Lance an irreplaceable friend, and they all admired his determination in some way, shape, or form.

*Fade Out*
*Fade In*


“Grr, why are we here again?” Stormy yelled at the top of her lungs. She was hot, sweaty, and in serious need of a shower. She was not happy.

“Because Darkar wants us to brush up on our recon skills.” Icy answered. She was in the same situation as Stormy, and just as unhappy.

“At least that’s what he told us.” Darcy sighed. “I just think he’s angry at us again. Explain to me why we follow that guy again?”

“Because he’s strong.” Icy growled. “I mean, why else would we…wait, do you hear that?” Icy stopped mid sentence so that she could alert the other Trix to a sound she heard off in the distance.

“Well, we are in a forest.” Stormy said. “It would be weird if there weren’t any sounds.”

“No, this seems a little out of the ordinary.” Icy said as she cupped her hand next to her ear in an attempt to better hear what she knew was probably something more interesting than whatever it was they were supposed to be doing at the given moment.

“Wait, I hear it too!” Stormy exclaimed.

“Shh!” Darcy hushed. “Let’s check it out. We’re supposed to be working on our recon work right? Well, this sounds like recon to me.”

“Right.” Icy agreed with an evil grin. “Let’s check it out.”

On Icy’s command, the group decided to investigate the origin of the sound that they heard. They flew high into the sky and scanned the area. It was not long before they found Lance fighting against some random plant that lived in the forest. They could barely contain their laughter when they saw a new plant string him up repeatedly after each successful attempt at freeing himself. In all honesty, they probably could not pay to see comedy that hilarious in Magix.

“Hey, isn’t that, that guy?” Darcy asked.

“Yes, it is.” Icy nodded with a firm frown. “He wasn’t affected by that spell at all.”

“If anything I think it made him even more aggressive.” Stormy said with a bit of a cringe at the memory of their last run-in with the specialist-in-training. “Hey, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Oh yeah, and it looks like he’s all alone. There’s no way that a lone specialist could take on all three of us by himself.” Icy said with a wicked smile as she allowed her ice magic to build up in her hands. After a bit of preparation she released a spell that would freeze, and kill, Lance in an instant.

Lance finally finished cutting his way free for the final time. It would seem that the plants in the area stopped attacking him. He silently said sorry to the plants that he cut down since he arrived in the forest. He knew that Flora would scold him if she saw such a sight, but he did not have much choice in the matter. He straightened up, and was about to let out a sigh in relief, but the hairs on his neck stood up straight and alerted him to a new danger that was closing in on him, and fast. Lance quickly jumped forward and took cover behind the tree that he had landed on top of when he first made it to the forest.

“What the heck was that?” He asked with his eyes opened wide. He did not yet realize it, but he was shaking uncontrollably and he was rubbing his arms with his hands in a pathetic attempt to warm himself. “Brrrrr, it’s cold all of a sudden.”

Before Lance could get his bearings straight, a gust of wind came from seemingly nowhere and flung him into another large tree in the forest. That one knocked the air out of him and he cringed as he slid back to the ground. He silently thought about calling out for Krystal. No matter how strong those witches were they were no match for an angry dragon. However, Lance resisted the urge to take the easy way out. Sure, he would call her as a last resort, but his goal was to reach Krystal. That meant that he had to get to her.

“Okay, let’s try this again!” Lance said to himself as he got back to his feet. He barely had enough time to jump to the side before a dark wave of energy split the tree he had crashed into earlier in two.

As soon as the tree became splinters, Lance made a dash towards the mountain. He knew, by the look of things, that his opponents used magic. He also had a hunch that he was up against at least three witches. At least, he hoped there were three. If one witch could use three different types of magic then he was in a lot of trouble. Well, he was in a lot of trouble to begin with, but he felt more comfortable dealing with three witches that had their own special magic rather than one witch that mastered multiple types.

“Hey, he’s running.” Stormy commented with a menacing scowl, “Coward!”

“Hey, this makes it more fun.” Darcy smiled. “Now it’s a game of cat and mouse.”

“Yeah, but we’re three cats, and he’s just one mouse.” Icy laughed as she gave chase. She tossed her ice magic here and there, as she laughed wickedly. She was having fun cornering Lance, and her sisters were almost frightened by their sister’s zeal.

The Trix laughed as they chased the poor boy through the forest. Of course, they had already forgotten about their original mission given to them by Dakar. They were having way too much fun chasing down weaker prey. Furthermore, they could care less about the forest, and they were casting magic spells like there was no tomorrow. To say that the forest was taking damage was an understatement.

“I…I think…those are the same…witches from… last time.” Lance panted as he dodged and weaved in between the dark explosions Darcy tossed at him. He was good at dodging the dark blasts, but the gusts of wind always seemed to knock him down. He could tell that the witches were not taking time to cast their spells. They were far too weak to kill him on impact. At least, the gusts of wind were, he didn't want to test the ice spikes and the waves of dark magic that always missed him by mere inches every time he successfully dodged an attack.

It was not long before the witches became bored with attacking Lance directly. They made a game out of it. They began to attack the trees in front of him in an attempt to knock them down on top of the Redfountain student. A huge tree landed right in front of Lance and forced him to stop suddenly. He fell on his butt and watched in horror as an ice spell zoomed over his head and froze the fallen tree solid. Soon after that, a dark wave spell struck him and knocked him into the frozen tree. The frozen tree shattered and Lance skid across the ground and rolled down a steep hill until a thorny bush stopped him.

“Ouch!” Stormy winced. However, she wore an evil grin all the same. “That one’s gotta hurt!”

“Hey, he’s not getting up.” Darcy pointed out to her sisters.

“I’d be worried if he did.” Icy said in a haughty tone. “By the way, nice shot Darcy. That one hit him real good.”

“You think he’s dead?” Darcy asked, not so much out of worry, but out of genuine curiosity. She did not expect that dark wave to send him flying so far, and he did plow through a tree. Albeit a tree made brittle due to Icy’s magic, but ice was still hard, and if he hit it wrong he could have snapped his neck, his spinal cord could have sustained damage or he could have broken a leg. Either way, he was not getting up any time soon. At least, that is what Darcy thought until she saw Lance’s body twitch. “N-no way!”

“What’s he made out of?” Stormy yelled, “Rubber?”

Lance, just as the Trix had witnessed, survived the attack. Luckily, for him, because he was always running, the Trix had to concentrate more on the speed and quantity of their spells rather than their spells’ power. Of course, he was far from Okay, but he was not out of the count just yet. If Lance had one good quality that he could brag about, it was his body’s endurance. He did meet the Redfountain boys after surviving a car crashing into him after all.

“Heh, like that’s going to stop me!” Lance yelled as he struggled to get back onto his feet. He regretted it soon after due to the splitting headache that suddenly made itself known to alert him that he was, in fact, not okay.

Lance wobbly walked to the nearest upright tree and used it for support. He noticed that, despite his initial gripe with the Redfountain uniform, the cape did serve to protect him from small ice shards and most of the thorns. Of course, his cape did not cover all of him, and he had many scrapes and nicks all over his body to show that he had taken quite a bit of damage. He also bled quite a bit, but he suffered no fatal wounds, at least as much as he could tell.

The Trix finally decided to give up their aerial pursuit and landed on the ground in front of Lance. Lance was still a bit shaken from that last attack, and he knew that he could not withstand another like the one he had just miraculously survived. He faced the Trix as he rested his sore back against the trunk of the tree he used for support. He breathed heavily, and he did not look at them or meet eye contact. Instead, he looked to the sky and gasped for air. The environment, due to Icy’s magic, had become quite cold, and his lungs were frozen.

“So, have you given up yet?” Icy asked as she took a few steps towards Lance. She still wanted him to pay for the kick to the head that he gave her last time they met. She had a headache for days after that, and Darkar instructed her to stay awake because she had a concussion. She learned that if you went to sleep when you have a concussion, you might not wake up!

“Not on your life!” Lance yelled back. Afterwards he immediately winced due to his headache and the sudden realization that his clever comeback was as cliché as cliché got.

“No! On your life!” Stormy yelled in response to Lance’s comeback. She thought for sure that her sisters would praise her for her quick wit. Unfortunately, they just shook their heads in shame. Sometimes their younger sister brought them so much shame it was downright embarrassing.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Icy said in an attempt to brush away her sister’s failed attempt at a comeback. “I’ve still got a score to settle with you.”

“Oh? I’d say we’re pretty even.” Lance said as he glanced behind him. He did not think that he was far from the meeting spot with Krystal. His original goal was to climb the mountain, but if he could just make it to the mountain’s base, that would be good enough. He knew he couldn't beat the Trix at his current level. In fact, he was surprised that he was still alive. “You knocked my friend out so I knocked you out. That’s fair right?”

“Not even close!” Icy yelled as she brought up her hands in rage. From underneath Lance a giant ice spike formed and rose from the ground. If Lance had not jumped to the side just in a nick of time, the ice spike would have surely killed him.

Unfortunately, for Lance, he was not fighting one witch. The same scenario that comforted him before was now his downfall. Stormy quickly shot out a gust of wind and knocked Lance onto his butt once again. Darcy followed up and sent a dark wave of magic Lance’s way; a dark wave that he hardly had enough time to bring up his arms and barely block the treacherous blow. Of course, the term block is a loose term. Poor Lance still went flying, but his face was still intact.

Lance, though his body rebelled, jumped back to his feet and took off running towards the mountain where he knew Krystal was waiting for him. Each step sent a bolt of pain through his legs, up his spine, and into his skull. Lance panted and wheezed uncontrollably as he made a desperate attempt to make it through the forest. He paid no mind to the thorns and tree branches that impeded his path. He was already hurt; there was no use in keeping his body in pristine condition as he pushed his body to work through the pain.

“Don’t let up.” Darcy told her sisters. “He won’t last much longer! This way we torture him to death!”

*Flash to Krystal*

Krystal spent most of the day asleep. It was rare for her to get the chance to spread her wings and enjoy herself, so after flying around a bit she perched herself atop the mountain that she told Lance to reach. Afterwards she just plopped down and fell asleep under the warm sun. She finally woke from her slumber when a nightmare she had been dreaming became too great for her to handle. In her dream, three extremely bitter witches chased Lance through the forest, and he was desperately trying to get to the mountain so that Krystal could save him.

To her surprise, when she awoke, she heard loud battle like noises and could see a trail of destruction make its way to the mountain. She looked down in horror when she realized that three angry witches had been chasing Lance all the way to the finish line and resisted the urge to fly down and save him right that second. So far, too her knowledge, Lance was trying to fight the Trix on his own. She refused to help him unless it was absolutely necessary.

*Flash to Lance*

Lance tried his best to pick routes through the forest that were hard to travel. He thought that he had the advantage when it came to forcing his way through the painful thorns and needles that this forest had to offer. However, the Trix hovered off the ground and minimized any danger that may come their way by destroying the forest with magic. In the end, Lance was hurting himself more than he was helping. It was only a matter of time before he wore himself out.

“Come on! Don’t you…girls…ever…quit!” He yelled while running. He jumped to the left to dodge another wave of darkness sent his way by Darcy, and then he ducked a bit to keep himself from getting his head taken off by an ice spike. At this point in time, Lance’s cape was torn and he was in need of a new uniform. Lance’s uniform, however, was the least of his worries. Due to the cold weather, constant running, and blood loss, Lance’s vision began to wane. “Come on…almost…there.”

The Trix were delighted to find that they had finally cornered the, soon to be, dead specialist. They had come to a mountain, and Lance had backed himself into a corner. Lance, upon reaching the mountain, turned around and sat down to face the Trix. He was tired, and he reached his goal. The Trix landed on the ground and approached him with victorious smiles worn on their faces.

“Any last words before I send you to the afterlife.” Icy said with an evil smirk. In her eyes, Lance was as good as dead. All that she had to do was strut her way up to the downed specialist and deliver the final blow.

“Just one.” Lance said. He would have given her a grin to match her smirk, but his face hurt too much. All he could do was gather the last of his strength and yell “KRYSTAL!” before he slumped to the ground in unconsciousness.

“Well,” Icy scoffed. “That was anticlimactic.”

Just as he called out for her Krystal leaped from the top of the mountain and landed right above the downed Lance. Afterward, she let out a roar that would scare any human, animal, or monster that found itself facing such a frightening foe. Her fearsome shout held within all the anger and hatred she felt towards the Trix, and they trembled in fear.

“R-r-run.” Icy stammered in a quiet voice. However, she did not attempt to turn around. She was far too frightened to risk making sudden movements that might aggravate the dragon in front of her.

“What was that?” Darcy asked as she prepared a dark magic spell and slowly backed away from the dragon.

“RUN!” Icy yelled as she flew backwards and pelted Krystal with as many icicles that she could muster. “Let’s get the heck away from this thing!”

“NO YOU DON’T!” Krystal yelled as she followed the witches.

They flew away for their dear lives, but they were no match in the air for an omni-dragon. Darcy flew backwards and threw her dark spells at the giant reptile that chased her and her sisters, but Krystal barely flinched when the attack struck her. However, though barely, Krystal did flinch, and if the Trix were better prepared to fight her they would actually put up quite the fight. Krystal had the element of surprise on her side, and the sudden appearance of such a huge dragon frightened them so badly that they could not summon up their more powerful spells.

“Why is the dragon chasing us?” Stormy practically cried as she sent the strongest twisters and gusts of wind that she could summon at the oncoming creature. Krystal weaved in and out of the spells so elegantly and skillfully that one would hardly believe that she were a dragon at all. Luckily, for the Trix, this kept Krystal from reaching them at full speed, but she was still gaining on them.

“I think its protecting the Redfountain kid!” Darcy yelled. “It left him alone!”

“Are you saying that THIS is Krystal?” Icy yelled in disbelief. However, with this new information at hand she began to summon up one last ice spike. “Why the heck does that Redfountain brat have a dragon?”

“Beats me!” Darcy yelled back as she continued to throw dark wave after dark wave towards Krystal. She was beginning to grow tired because of all the spells that she used during the day. She had fun chasing Lance, but at the time she was the cat and not the mouse.

“Hold up, I’ve got a plan.” Icy said as she launched an ice spike that she created at full speed. However, Krystal was not her intended target. The attack flew through the air, passed Krystal, and headed straight for Lance.

“LANCE!” Krystal yelled as she made a quick U-turn and chased after the spike. They had flown quite a bit, so she was able to gain on the attack and catch it with her teeth before it impaled the sleeping Lance. Krystal heaved a sigh of relief as she landed in front of Lance and watched the Trix fly away. She would not chase them at this point. Lance was safe, and that was all that mattered to her.

The Trix continued to fly away at full speed. They barely escaped the day’s battle with their lives. It was not often that they feared for their lives. Even when they fought the Winx, they knew that a bunch of goody two-shoes made up the group and that the likely hood of anyone from that group finishing them off after a fight was next to nothing. However, a dragon was different. If angered, there was no way to stop a dragon. They were just too strong for their own good.

“Darn it!” Icy yelled. “We shouldn’t have toyed around with him! We should have just killed him when we had the chance!”

“Hey, it was your idea to get revenge.” Darcy said. In truth, she didn't remember who decided it was a good idea to play cat and mouse with Lance, but as long as she didn’t have to blame herself she did not care.

“Shut it Darcy!” Icy shot back. “That kid’s on my hit list. If we see him again, he is so dead.”

“He’s just a specialist. It’s not like they’re a threat or anything.” Stormy laughed. She thought that Icy was taking Lance a bit too seriously. Their real enemy was Alfea and the Winx.

“He humiliated me! It’s so mortifying losing to a specialist!” Icy snapped. Icy did not understand why her sisters failed to comprehend the seriousness of the issue at hand. If word got out that the Trix were getting soft that would be the end of them.

“We didn’t lose to the kid.” Stormy said in an attempt to try and reason with Icy. “We lost to the freaking dragon!”

“It’s the same thing!” Icy grumbled.

*Fade Out*
*Fade In*


Some time went by since the Trix attacked Lance. The poor Redfountain student finally opened his eyes to the world around him. The sun was beginning to go down, but it still was not dark yet. Not that it mattered, he could just fly back with Krystal and everything would end up just fine. However, two things bothered him. The first of which would be his location. It would seem that Krystal flew him to the top of the mountain when he was unconscious. The second would be his wounds. He didn't know how Krystal did it, but he was no longer bleeding. Albeit, the bandages she used were pieces of his nonexistent cape, and Krystal tied the bandages so sloppily one could hardly call her work first-aid. However, Lance was grateful that Krystal had saved him, and it was only right to thank her.

“Thanks Krystal. I owe you one.” He said as he slowly sat up. His head was still pounding, but he would manage.

“SO YOU’RE AWAKE!” Krystal exclaimed. “I’M GLAD. I WAS BEGINNING TO WORRY.”

“So, I guess I pass this little training test right?” Lance said with a big smile. In his eyes, he had done a good job. He didn't intend to fight a group of insane witches during his training expedition.

“NO! YOU FAIL! F MINUS!” Krystal said. She put emphasis on the word, ‘minus.’ “YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO CLIMB THE MOUNTAIN. YOU BARELY MADE IT TO THE BASE. I HAD TO DRAG YOUR SORRY BUTT ALL THE WAY UP HERE. YOU’RE LUCKY THERE HAPPENED TO BE A LOT OF MEDICINAL HERBS UP HERE. OTHERWISE, YOUR CUTS MIGHT HAVE BEEN A LOT WORSE THAN THEY ACTUALLY ARE!”

“Oh, come on! Don’t you think you’re being harsh? I mean, I did get attacked you know?” Lance complained in his defense. He knew that Krystal was probably joking, but sometimes he could barely tell.

“YOU FAIL.” Krystal said. “BUT IT WOULD BE A SHAME IF YOU CAME ALL THE WAY HERE AND DIDN’T DO WHAT YOU SET OUT TO DO.”

“I-is that why you flew me up here?” Lance asked. Krystal did not answer. She just nodded.

“Thanks. I really owe you one.” Lance said as he bowed his head. Krystal really was a good friend. “Well, I better get to it then!”

Lance stood up. His legs were a bit wobbly at first, but he finally stood firm. He faced what would soon be the setting sun. The entire situation seemed like an old movie cliché, but Lance did not mind a single bit. In fact, he loved it. It was finally time to get something off his chest that he had kept bottled for a long time.

“Flora!” Lance yelled towards the setting sun as he cupped his hands in front of his mouth to make his voice travel further. No one would hear him no matter how loud he yelled. “I LOVE YOU!”

Krystal would have blushed if she could. She had to admit, she was not really into the mushy romance thing, but if it helped Lance relieve some stress she would put up with it. She slowly turned around to walk away, but she stopped dead in her tracks. Her body became stiff as she dropped her mouth open wide in shock.

“You were right. I do feel better getting that off my chest.” Lance said as he stretched a bit. Lance turned around just as Krystal had, and he had the exact same reaction. He stood, dumbfounded, with his mouth wide open. ‘How do I always find myself in these mortifying situations?’ Lance thought to himself. ‘I want to die.’

That look seemed to have become popular. In front of Krystal and Lance stood Flora, also dumbfounded, and she too had her mouth hanging wide open. The red hue of the sunset did little to hide the blushes forming on Lance's and Flora’s faces. They just stood in place, awestruck, both feared to break the silence.

*Fade Out*

End of episode 9
Ending theme song: This day and age - Second place victory http://youtube.com/watch?v=YivbujnAo5g

This post has been edited by Ranma: Jan 18 2012, 3:31 AM


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P-girl
post Mar 1 2010, 4:39 PM
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Nicely written. Good, in-character characters.... well, no complaints. (My apologies, I suck at reviewing.I can really only say if I like it or not.... well, I liked this.

This post has been edited by P-girl: Mar 1 2010, 4:40 PM
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Ranma
post Mar 2 2010, 8:56 PM
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Thanks for the comment. Unfortunately I don't know if anyone else has read it yet. If I get a few more comments I'll try and get the next chapter out sooner.


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Ranma
post Apr 30 2010, 12:55 AM
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((Just out of curiosity, what happened to my chapter? There are weird symbols...It kind of ruins it...))

((EDIT: Fixed.))

This post has been edited by Ranma: Apr 30 2010, 1:15 AM


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P-girl
post Apr 30 2010, 8:26 AM
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Oh that, for as far as I know, it's a side-effect of the forum migration.
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MorriganAensland
post May 1 2010, 1:43 PM
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Yargh.

Finally clawed through this. And I have to say the characters did stay true to their canon selves as far as I can tell. Pacing could be better though and you could probably make due with a tad less exposition. For instance, just having Krystal come down and attacking the Trix, without that whole segment talking about Krystal sleeping would have felt more natural.


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Ranma
post May 2 2010, 8:29 AM
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((Thanks for the input Morrigan. I think you have a problem with the pacing because you want to read it like a novel. I designed it to be like an episode in the series. That's why there's so much exposition. I may stop doing that in the future though, it's actually a pain to write it that way because it goes against the flow of my usual writing style. I will try to tweak the pacing though.))


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MorriganAensland
post May 2 2010, 1:41 PM
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Well, if you want to write it like an episode, there's nothing necessarily wrong with script-style writing provided you do it right.

Now considering the amount of dialogue in your story I'd actually think if you did it that way and if you did it the way script-style's supposed to be it might turn out really, really well. Like Typical Gundam SEED Destiny. The guy who wrote it does a really good job with script-format, and in all honesty, the more I reread sections of your past chapter, I think script format might work out really well.


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