Because Things Have Been Heavy Lately, And I'm sort of at the end of my tether. Options

[W.I.N.X]

Basically guys...I've been having a looooot of issues as of late. I know a few of you know of them, and heck, one of you, and you know who you are, have put up with all my angst on Tumblr and have tirelessly sent me messages asking me to be ok, and I couldn't thank you enough for that. And I know most of you are no longer here, but if you least check in, you'll see this, and you guys are sort of my last hope. And where better to come than some of my best friends, who I put a lot of faith in for a long period of my life.

But I don't know how to do it anymore. Everything is kind of wrong right now and one of my friends is making me terribly uncomfortable as of today, and I'm honestly unsure as to how my group is going to be after this. That is, if I'm going to have friends - and I've got enough issues right now as it is, honestly.

See, my friend, and lets call her Jonie, for arguments sake is troubling me. She was on suicide watch on Tuesday, and texted me as such on Tuesday, telling me she couldn't go out. Now Jonie often exaggerates A LOT when she's been grounded, so I didn't put enough stock in it to worry, but just enough to be that extra bit nice to her. I just didn't approach the issue directly. So then today, she tells me that she was in fact on suicide watch, and it was not parental induced. Now I was extra kind to her again, but now I'm just worried she actually tried to kill herself, as opposed to feeling like she would, and that I treated the topic horribly insensitively. So I suppose I'm worried she'll be mad at me for being self-centred or what not.

Now, and I am very worried about her, I'm also worried my own inadequacies in terms of actually being a good friend are going to lose me my other friends. Half of them are already pretty nasty or seem to dislike me, so I dunno what to do. Plus, in recent times (and I have to say, Jonie is a very, very manipulative girl), she's kind of got all my friends firmly under her thumb. And has already been treating me like dirt. Acting like I'm not really all that worthy, belittling me, etc. I think it's because it suits her, plus, she's thin, pretty and popular, aka not me. Then you have me, weird, weirdlooking, little bit fat and probably annoying. So I feel like she chooses the 'cooler' friends of my group to suit her needs... And I understand she has her own problems, and I'm so worried about her, because when she is a good friend, she's fantastic and fun...but even when she's fun and nice she doesn't seem to care about me...and I try really hard to help other people but I'm not getting response.

I'm sort of just at a loss for what to do. I feel like a bad friend, and I'm worried it's going to impact.

With everything else right now (including, as I don't know how many of you are aware of, my own thoughts of suicide and weight issues), I just honestly don't know how to take it. And I have no one else to turn to, and I trust you guys. And I suppose I just need someone to listen because I don't know how to take it anymore.

This post has been edited by W.I.N.X: Sep 21 2012, 1:23 PM