I'm going to wear a Free Hugs shirt on the last day of school. Just thought I should announce it.
*hooray for hugs!*

I'm actually feeling quite deflated, what with a lot of pressure and the dreading of certain summer activities, but I'm trying to put on a happy face.
*happy face*

Sometime this summer, though, I'm going to spontaneously break out in dance... anywhere, at anytime. One of these times, I'm going to bring people to spontaneously break out in dance with me, and we'll see just how many follow suit.
*yay dancing!*

I'm also planning on cheating at a game of city-wide "capture-the-flag", that is, if I can find out how you really cheat at that game.
*tee hee*

I want to run from this city, I'm bored of the monotony.
*is running from the city... not really*

Do ignore this. For some odd reason, just expressing the mixed emotions and various thought processes is making me feel a lot better about all of the pressure this week is dishing me.
*under pressure*

But now I feel really happy, because something just occurred. Funny.

Boo is overwhelmed. Boo is very overwhelmed... and yet, I spent most of my Saturday lying around the house... editing photos, playing Scrabble, beating my sister at table tennis, and surfing the internet. Why? Because I felt overwhelmed. A bit contradictory, isn't it?

So, I now officially have a load of work to do. I thought last week was bad, ooohh no. What was I thinking?
Now I have tons and tons of work to do at, well, work... Tons of homework (still have that 10 page essay coming up), and lots of volunteer work (now, I should be working on that demonstration for that event next weekend...)
That, and my spirits about the past week are anything but high. These past five days have left me feeling drained and completely full of burden. Did I pass that Spanish test? :/

Though, I did celebrate the metal being removed from my teeth... finally! Life is good. That, and my iPod did not explode when I dropped it on the cement a few days ago (and it works fine.) I received my cheap outer protective case from eBay for it today. Decided not to risk damage if I dropped it again... Lesson learned.



So, with all this work and worry, I feel as if all I need is a hug... a big hug, or numerous hugs... Because they always make me feel better; they can brighten just about anyone's day, I believe (unless you're one of those people who do not like hugs...)

Today's events were mainly connected with one thought: There must be an easier way...

First, work brought the challenge of organization...
The Problem: People uploaded their images to the incorrect (or un-categorized) folders; which left me with the task of moving them to their neat and tidy specified folders.
There Must Be an Easier Way Moment: To put these into the correct folders and removing them from their previous spots, and to avoid broken links on the website, I need to take several steps. Removing from the archive, scanning the code, finding the picture, transferring the picture, moving the picture, editing the coding, removing the picture from its old spot, re-archive, repeat.
Oooh boy; does that get old fast. There should be a simpler way... No, there has to be a simpler way...

Also at work:
The Problem: Weeding through users to find legitimate ones.
There Must Be an Easier Way Moment: Checking 50+ emails and double-checking profiles to ensure that it is a legitimate user is tedious (and doesn't work all of the time; sometimes I cannot tell by username and email if it is spam or not.)
There should be a tool for that; or a module... I'm sure there is one, but my coworkers do not care and/or are too busy, and our tech guy is sick.

After work:
The Problem: A website looks gorgeous in Safari, but looks hideous in Firefox. Yay for browser compatibility issues!
There Must Be an Easier Way Moment: I've spent 2 hours trying to fix my coding so it looks alright in all browsers; one try after another... and another... and another... I've finally gotten lucky, but I have no way of knowing if it will work completely unless I do an online test-run (which, after 2 hours, I am not willing to do.)
Maybe all browsers should shake hands and get along and view all coding the same; it would make my life a heck of a lot easier.

At school:
The Problem: My USB drive needs to be used in order to save my gigantic history project (7 pages worth of reports so far... and more needs to be done.) The USB drive worked flawlessly on my home computer; but not on the school's PC.
There Must Be an Easier Way Moment: After several failed attempts at loading stuff onto the USB drive (of various sizes and file types), and even after discovering it still had 75% of unused space, and after seeing a silly error message pop up several times, I had all but given up. There was an option allowing a scan to detect potential problems, but quite frankly, I do not trust the tech guys at our school or the computers at the place enough to allow it (the loss of files would amount to some tear-shed).

GAAAHH! ARRGGHHH! *slams head onto keyboard*
I'm going to play some Tap Tap Revenge (Guitar Hero for your iPod) on my iPod now... at least that is one gizmo that is nice to me... that and my Mac, but I need a break from computers... I need an outlet... like Tap Tap Revenge... (I'll ignore that history for now). Tee hee.

See? Doesn't this:

Look so much more desirable than this:


* End of geeky rant *

I want my holiday break back.... now.

My schedule this semester is pretty much terrible... oh dear, oh dear.
But such is life, and with life comes headaches.

Like THIS headache. >_< I think my brain is caving in because of the burdens being placed upon it.
Do this, do that, be sure to finish this before that, remember to do that, don't do that, tweak that, trash that, redo that...
Not only does my brain have to fight off the evils that school can bring upon it (like that ridiculous long division with all the variables, exponents... and other things...), but it also has to struggle through other activities during the day. That, and everything is being loaded into it like semis rolling into an extremely large factory.

I have too much going on, and yet, I'm here?
Yes. Terrible, isn't it? Procrastination is a terrible disease I tell you.
I have so much to do... so, so much to do... but I had to come here and get things off my chest first. That is the beauty of online forums... well, besides the number one great factor about them: the kind people from all over the world; the people that you'd normally never be able to talk to.

Ah, but I now have to take on the task of finding out what I should write about for my research paper... my ten page research paper...
I love writing (I'm sure you all know that, due to how much I rant), but ten pages worth of material... wow... and I just can't think of something that interests me that I could write about all that much... o-O I'd better get thinking.
Unless... does anyone want to do it for me?
(Just kidding, of course).

*Attempts to revive brain* And I'm off...

Sidetracked again! Maybe I should write a poem...

*Revives brain again* Ok, now I'm really going to get some work done...

I'm just so lost at this point in my life...
I've always had this idea of being a graphic designer, living in an upscale apartment in downtown Chicago, Toronto, or New York (or another big city), traveling around the world, and making tons of money. Yeah, dream on... I know.

This desire to be a graphic designer has been brought down quite a few levels... After meeting one and discussing the profession with her, I wasn't convinced... and she has been doing it for many decades. Unfortunately, she isn't receiving that many jobs.
That and a relative of mine was a graphic designer. He had to give up that passion... it wasn't paying the bills or feeding his family.
Today was the icing on the cake. I job-shadowed another graphic designer of sorts that works with printing. I found myself lost amongst numerous rulers, measurements, and tedious tasks. While it was interesting, I couldn't see myself doing it day in and day out.

But then I think to myself, gosh, what am I good at? What do I enjoy?
And it clicks: photography and web design.
I've been working with websites since I was 12... Five years later, I still love it. In fact, I'm taking a class on it (well, I knew I'd just be able to kick back and relax in it, basically.) Soon after a few classes, it ranked number one on my favorite course list.
And photography/ photo editing... Well, I just love it... Just absolutely love it.
But that won't make any money unless I was super, super, SUPER talented (which I'm not).

And yet again, I want so badly to pursue a career having to do with design and creative expression... On my search for a college, I've found that a certain art college has swept my heart, while a run-of-the-mill college simply made me want to never step onto another dull campus again.

I just want to know. I want to know what I should be doing... I want to know what will make me happy in the long run... I want to know what I can succeed in.


But until then, I'm going to focus on a very bright aspect of my life.
Aside from my other job (working on a website in this city), someone has offered me something to do during the month of December... something I am really excited about. :) I can't wait to get working on the project - I know they'll just love the final product. I plan on starting with some design aspects as soon as I get the program...
^_^ So, all is well for now.

That is my theme today, as it has been for quite awhile, mainly for my distaste of the physical education program at my school, but now I have other reasons...

We had a test... in physical education... Oh, but not just any test...
My PE teacher is a volleyball coach, and goodness does she love that sport and her dear volleyball players.
Keep that in mind.

We were tested on volleyball serves... 20 in a row. They had to be perfect to count. 20 out of 20 would get you an A... I think you all see where I'm going with that.
I learned today that 14/20 = C-. Lowest grade I've received on any test throughout my high school career...

What she didn't realize: some of us were not born to be her star volleyball players. In fact, some of us simply lack the ability to play the game.
Like me.

So, she doesn't test us on effort, oh no, you have to get those darn serves perfect... flawless. The game she coaches. And of course the volleyball players aced it.
I call that both unfair and just wrong.


Thanks for ruining my 4.0 average for a time. I'm going to work my behind off for the remainder of the quarter. I've been fighting to keep that A-, my lowest grade (yes, in physical education), and now I'm down to an 85% B...
Really? Because I can't serve a volleyball?! Really???!!

If I end up with a B at the end of the quarter... ooh boy... I'm going to complain like you've never seen me complain before. PE better no be weighted as heavily as the rest of my classes... otherwise I'm going to spend a lot of time talking to my counselor about how wrong it is to weight that so heavily... If I don't get into the college I want... etc. etc.


Maybe if I gained 250 pounds worth of muscles, my teacher would be happy. But now, my scrawny arms, tiny wrists, and massive lack of hand-eye coordination can't handle volleyball.

So my previous blog entry entailed a story about my history class and the gory movie we had to watch during the time.
Well guess what? My teacher has decided it's time for yet another gory movie.
OH JOY! Can you not see how I am flailing about in utter delight?! I absolutely could not wait to see The (rated R) Patriot! Oh goody! Because watching that will definitely teach us better then any lecture or documentary could!
(end of extreme sarcasm)

I mean, seriously, ANOTHER MOVIE?
Does this guy not know how to teach? It baffles me! It just utterly baffles me!
So, we're expected to take book notes, ok, I get that. And my teacher's part is??? Oh yes, he's the one that starts the DVD. That and gives us every answer to every quiz and test we ever take. Not to mention the fact that we're allowed to use notes on quizzes.
Every students dream? Possibly. Effective method of teaching U.S. history? Not so much.
It irks me! Does he seriously think that we're learning from these dreadful movies? I know I cannot possibly be the only person in the class who doesn't enjoy them.

In fact, I am forced to look up the screenplay online to answer the questions that will inevitably be on the quiz. Why? Because I'm squeamish and cannot physically stomach watching (or hearing) gory movies! I sit in the hallway or off in another room. (Thankfully, he allowed me to do so, after proceeding to tell me that I'll be a wimp during childbirth when I get older. How so very nice.)

And these questions? They're extremely specific in regards to the movie.
GREAT! So I have to go through a 30+ page screenplay (which is all combined on one page in a font that is agonizingly painful to read), just to pass a quiz about some gory movie that he happens to think is educational, when, in fact, it ISN'T! In fact, some of the events in the movie have more to do with World War II than the American Revolution, so these mixed messages we're receiving are intended to help us?
Oh goodness. It's so flawed, it's terrible.

I call an ulterior motive here! *cough* Just teaching to be a coach *cough*
Oh my goodness, this isn't teaching. I could teach that class better, no gory movies involved.

*insert continuation of mad, angry, crazy rambling here*


I just am so... just so exasperated. I hate that class. It had potential to be an interesting one, but no, it isn't.
*and sigh*

Alright... so today, was a very bad day (for lack of a better word.)
I have probably told a great many of you about how terribly squeamish I am. If not, here's something you should know before reading this: whenever I see anything with blood or something having anything to do with blood, such as a movie, picture, etc., I get sick to my stomach and terribly dizzy... Oh... joy...

So, today, in my U.S. History class, we watched 15 minutes of a movie we're going to be watching for the next two class periods: The Last of the Mohicans. I had informed my teacher of my "condition" before he even put the movie in the disc drive, so he forewarned me of what it contains: quote, a "little bit of gore."
He skimped on "a little bit". What he should have said was, "The vast majority of the 15 minutes you all will see today is full of gore."

But, with this warning, I whipped out my notebook and decided to draw. I did not watch the movie, nor did I look as the most violent part during the time period came about (thankfully, my teacher warned us all of it approaching.) I did not see, but boy did I hear. I thought I could stomach it. I told myself I could handle it...
After about 5 seconds of hearing nothing but sickening noises and screams, I felt my body heating up... specifically, my head. I kept drawing... repeating a pattern over and over to get my mind off of it. I tried to tune it out, but alas, the volume of the movie was so very high (thanks, teacher.)

The ringing bell signaled my freedom, but as I stood up, I felt that not-so-unfamiliar dizzy feeling... the same feeling I had felt after watching "Othello" (based off of a Shakespeare play), in advanced English. I could not believe it. I had not seen a single drop of blood, for all I saw was my paper, but, alas, I was sick...
I kept seeing black spots; they'd play with my eyesight, making me want to just collapse. I simply wanted to ram myself into a wall and slide down it to sit down... just any bit of relief!
Somehow, I made it up a flight of stairs (without falling down them), and into my study hall classroom; the last minutes of the day. Unfortunately, we had an assembly. I couldn't budge. My kind teacher there allowed me to stay in her classroom and sit...

So it took another good 10 minutes or so before I regained composure. As my friend stated, the color had returned to my face and lips.
I later went back and spoke with my history teacher to ensure that this never happens again. He said he'd work something out. (We have to take a quiz off of the movie. Yay imdb.com?)

So why did I post this here? I need help. Does anyone, anyone at all, know what is wrong? My mother thinks I'm anemic or something (I'm far underweight for a 17 year old, and am not at all physically fit. Maybe this has something to do with it?). I probably should be taking vitamins containing iron...
This happens almost every single time I see blood. I'm honestly a bit disappointed with myself: I thought I could handle just hearing the movie, but no! I couldn't.
If anyone has any suggestions, please do share!